SortaCrunchy

Quickly

My new blogging friend Heather is doing something remarkable. 

While the country spins about, arguing about a stimulus package while planning Super Bowl parties, one little family in Colorado left a hospital with their two year old baby yesterday . . . sent home because there is nothing more that medicine knows to do to fight the aggressive cancer Little Miss Tuesday has been battling.

I don't know how to respond to that, except for sobbing and praying.

Heather wants to pray and more . . .

She and her family want to send a little something tangible along to Tuesday's family.  Go read this post, leave a comment, and Heather's family will match one dollar for every comment left as a gift to this family.  Can you spare less than a minute?  I pray you will.

Nursing In Public: A Quick Tip

When Dacey was born (four years ago today!), I knew I was going to give breastfeeding a try.  I wasn't any kind of advocate or lactivist back then, I just knew that we were broke and breastmilk is, well, free.  Two years later, I had become quite the pro which was a nice reward considering our rough start with the whole thing. 

One thing I never did get the hang of when I was nursing Dacey was how to do the whole nursing in public (NIP) thing.  When she was an infant, I had overactive letdown and overabundant supply issues, and those two things combined made those early weeks and months a big, milky mess.  Even when my supply evened out, my concerns over modesty combined with a lack of confidence kept me from attempting to nurse her outside of our home.

However, when Aliza Joy was born, I found I didn't have a choice.  We had to be at playgroup and prayer coffee and church and the library and all kinds of other places outside of our home at precisely the times little AJ needed her mama milk fix.  Thankfully when I was still pregnant with her, one of my mama friends shared a little tip with me that made a huge difference in my NIP success the second time around.

The secret?  A plain old ordinary camisole.  Much like this one from Old Navy.

Here's how it works:

1) When baby needs to eat, find a comfy spot and settle in.
2) Unbutton your top or pull up your shirt (I'm almost always in some kind of t-shirt, long-sleeved of short, because I'm glam like that), but leave the camisole down against your body.
3) If you are wearing a nursing bra (I recommend it in those early weeks), unsnap it and pull you breast out of the top of the cami.  Latch that baby on and you are good to go!

I love the cami underneath because in all honesty, it's not so much flashing a bit of breast and nipple that concerns me when I am NIP - it's the thought of the prolonged exposure of my unsightly mama middle to friends and passers-by who didn't sign up for that kind of trauma when they left the house that day.

Now, you can spend the big bucks for the "official" kinds of nursing tanks out there today (or better yet, let your friends and family buy those for you!), but really, an $8 cami from the local discount store works just fine, too.  If you can find a cami with a shelf bra, all the better because as we nursing moms know, those nursing bra cups are made with inappropriately thin material.  Why?  Why do they do that to us?  Four years after I began my breastfeeding journey, that's a question I still can't answer.  Anyway, a little extra material for some extra coverage is a nice bonus.

So, the simple camisole is a simple solution for mamas who are nursing in public.  Making breastfeeding a little easier definitely works for me.

What tips for nursing in public success do you have to share?

As He Leads Us: The Cost of Serving

 

Friends and readers,

As I write this, nearly a week has passed since Laura and I shared the foundations of our parenting approach.  I cannot express to you enough our gratitude for the time you have taken to share your thoughts and feedback with us.  I know I have said this, but we are just truly stunned by your response.  Your comments are brimming with ideas and questions and topics that we are still taking the time to sort through.  What a blessing you have been to us already!

Last week, we decided to limit our discussions on parenting to one day a week.  As a reminder, we are trying to respond to comments within the comment section, and we may not get to them all right away.  Please know that we read and reflect on everything you take the time to share.  The code for the blog button promoting our weekly dialogues is now up in the sidebar.  Thank you, thank you, thank you for all of your support in this! 

* * * * * * * *

What I want to put out on the table for discussion today is something that I'm wrestling with.  It's Sunday night as I write, and this topic has occupied my mind for days.  The words aren't coming when I try to package this neatly; what I am going to have to do instead is just be very open, very transparent, and very raw with you. 

On Wednesday, I spent a lot of time in reflective, conversational prayer.  I prayed for God to help me to know why He has burdened Laura and me in this project, to help me to hear from Him if we are saying something that has already been said, to make me know that we aren't just putting more advice out there that might (unintentionally) confuse and frustrate new mothers even more.

AJ was fighting a cold last week, and I was up several times Wednesday night/Thursday morning rocking her.  At one point while I was rocking her, I felt like God spoke clearly to me that it's about dying to self. 

So much of what is spoken to mothers (in secular and Christian material) is about maintaining and reclaiming yourself after you become a mother, but we've heard so few  suggestions that one worthy response to God entrusting you with this little one is dying to your devotion to yourself.

The perspective we share is not a popular one . . . this hard truth that the first year should be less about training our babies and more about allowing ourselves to be trained by Him.  And yet we do believe that if we let Him, God can use that first intense year of baby's life to train us how to live a life that is fully surrendered to Him.  Mothering with a servanthood approach can and will squeeze the very last drops of self out of us.  If we yield to it, there is such potential for spiritual growth and for learning - in the most hands-on, real-life way possible - what it truly means to be a servant leader.  It can be a year of transformation from which we emerge with a refined and sharpened perspective, equipped to experience other people, other relationships, and other situations through the eyes of a servant. 

In discussing this with Laura, she reminded me that  while dying to self very often means pouring ourselves out in service to others, that it all comes back to, and originates, with God's direction to do so.  When we die to self, we aren't turning ourselves over to our babies or to other people as much as we are turning ourselves over to the Lord, who (among other things) leads and commands us to be servants of others. 

In all honesty, this message had me on my face before God as I tried to process it all on Thursday morning. Why is this all so hard for me to say?  Why have I wrestled over it?  Because I don't really want to die to myself.  How can I encourage others towards a philosophy I myself have not fully, completely, unflinchingly embraced?

We in the Western Church often give great lip service to the idea of servanthood.  We understand completely that if we are to model our lives after the life of Christ, then we must choose the path of service.  Christ reminded His disciples several times that He was among them as one who serves.  The New Testament letters are filled with admonitions to consider others more important than ourselves and to serve one another wholeheartedly and in love.  And so we agree to serve God by serving others, right up to the point where service encroaches on our comfort.  When confronted with the cost of sustained servanthood . . . well, this is when we start to squirm.

Following the leadership of Christ and choosing a servanthood approach to parenting will cost you.  It will cost you the luxury of uninterrupted sleep at night.  It will cost you the security that is found in allowing the clock to put order on your day.  It will cost you some of your "me time."  It may even cost you some friendships with people in your faith community who vehemently disagree with this approach.

But what if as that first year of babyhood winds down and a toddler stands where your baby once lay, what if you looked in the mirror and realized that the one who has grown by leaps and bounds in the past year is you?  What if you could see that in most every situation you encounter, your first response is no longer selfish retreat, but rather selfless embrace?  Would it make you smile with humble gratitude to recognize that in each moment you chose to approach your baby with the heart of a servant, you were able to more closely relate to and identify with your Lord Jesus Christ than you ever had before? 

Would it be worth the cost?   

(a million thanks to Laura, who helped hone and focus my thoughts through phone calls and emails.  You can't imagine the mess this would have been without her thoughtful, careful feedback and edits.)

Prone to Wander

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I'm constrained to be!

Let Thy grace, Lord, like a fetter,
Bind my wand'ring heart to Thee:

Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;

Here's my heart, Lord, take and seal it,
Seal it for the courts above.

From "Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing"
Lyrics: Robert Robinson, 1735-1790

Image courtesy Nicholas_T

7 Quick Takes Friday

For the past few weeks, I have been so blessed by Jennifer of Conversion Diary.  For those who haven't met Jennifer yet, I so encourage you to spend some time with her.  She is a former atheist who is recording her journey of, well, her conversion on her blog.  Really, really amazing stuff.

Each Friday she hosts 7 Quick Takes Friday, and I'm thinking this is a great way to air out some of the thoughts that have accumulated all week. 

1. I don't think I've mentioned to anyone (even my sister who is daily tortured with most minute details of my life) that we spent last weekend at my in-laws where two notable things happened: 1) My mother-in-law cut AJ's bangs without asking me, and 2) my father-in-law side-swiped my car in their driveway.  Some might perceive these as being - at the very least - upsetting.  If nothing else, it should have been some great blog fodder, right?  But honestly, AJ's bangs look so much better and I am so thankful for her intiative, and as far as my car goes . . . well, it's a '96 Avalon with 215,000 miles, a non-functioning CD player, only one operational power window (which, unfortunately, is not the driver's window), torn leather seats, and a thin film of goldfish cracker dusting everything within.  A little white paint scar on the outside is the least of my worries.  Besides, people are more important than things.

2. I just wanted to share that this morning, my fingers look like this:

because I am something of a genius when it comes to changing printer ink cartridges.

3. This week, I ended my three month self-imposed Facebook ban.  We've been told that creating a Facebook group would be a great way to promote our book idea and discussion, so Laura got that up and running for us.  (Thank you again, friend.)  You can find the As He Leads Us group here.

4. Starting this Sunday, Kyle and I are both official Sunday School teachers, something we have both felt God leading us towards for months.  In fact way back in December 2002, I wrote in my prayer journal that I had a desire to teach the Word of God, and I wanted to make myself available to Him in any way He saw fit.  I don't think I imagined at the time that it would take over six years for an opportunity to open, but I know the timing is right.  Kyle will be teaching the Adult 2 men and I'll take the Adult 2 women (and for those non Southern Baptists in the crowd, Adult 2 translates to Folks In Their Twenties).  And as evidence of how wicked relevant I am, I am totally using Jon's recent post on "Facebook Friend Suggesting Jesus" as part of my lesson.  Oh yes I am.  

(And please note how I refer to Jon by first name like I actually know him.  The thing about Jon is that he is super nice, extremely genuine, and totally accessible.  It's easy to forget that I don't actually know him.)

5. I just have to tell y'all how convicted I am by Dacey's recent inspiring display of generosity.  One of her very favorite things to do right now is help in the kitchen.  She particularly loves the baking of cookies, and I am happy to indulge.  On Monday, we baked up some particularly delicious choco chip wonders and as I pulled out that pan of fresh from the oven goodness, her first words were not "Okay, fix me up a glass o' cold milk please, Mom" as mine would have been.  No, instead out of an abundance of generosity, she said, "Okay, I need to take these to the children."  The children?  "The children in my Sunday School class."  Oh, how she loves Sunday School.  It is, after all, where she learns fascinating and meaningful stories.  Stories like about the time a shark at the baby Jesus.  (That is a story for another day, I think.)  Anyway, the immediate desire to share freshly baked chocolate chip cookies with others is not something she learned from her father or me.  I think probably it made Jesus smile.  I know I did.

6.  I want y'all to know that Laura and I are absolutely laid low with humility and wonder at the response we have received so far on the book.  The comments left on Monday's post have just blown us away.  You guys have not only encouraged us in our message, but also challenged us with angles and perspectives we would never have thought of on our own.  I've said before that we have no idea what we are doing and that we're just trying to take things one step at a time. So we're thinking that turning the discussions related to parenting might work best in the context of a weekly series.  For the coming weeks (months?), we'll structure our conversations in a series called "Mothering on Mondays: As He Leads Us."  We have so much we look forward to sharing with you and are completely honored that anyone would take the time to talk through all of this with us. 

7. As a way to promote these discussions, we now have a blog button to share.  Karen of simply amusing designs graciously worked us in to her very, very busy schedule.  Didn't it turn out lovely? (feed readers, you'll have to click through to see it)  If you are prone to blog button-ing up your sidebar and would be so kind as to share ours on your blog, we would be grateful.  We have two sizes of buttons you could choose from, but we are only going to put the code for the smaller one in the sidebar.  If you would like the longer button, email me and I'll get you the code.  (I'm having some weird problems with Typepad this morning, so if you don't see the button and code in the sidebar yet, just check back later.  sorry!)

Looking back over this post, you can see I'm playing a little fast-and-loose with the concept of quick.  If this is your first time here, just be assured prolific wordiness is absolutely par for the course.

You can find other 7 Quick Takes here.

Have a gorgeous weekend and we'll see you back here on Monday!

Managing Your Monthly

Male friends and readers (all two of you), you'll want to click away now.  I don't say this often, but when I do, I mean it.  So go on now, click on out of here. 

I've made mention of the fact that we practice Natural Family Planning, but I've not really gone into much detail on how or why.  Briefly - when D was a newborn, I tried out the mini-pill as a birth control solution because the regular Pill would have interfered with my milk supply.  Three days on the mini-pill and I noticed it was making me a little, um, crazy.  Way crazier than usual.  It was not a good choice for me.  Some light research led me to Taking Charge of Your Fertility, a book which I believe every single woman should read at some point in her life.  Immediately I embraced the idea of hormone-free birth control.

When I first took up this practice, I loved doing the charts and the temps.  I felt so in tune with my body.  Many months and many cycles later the novelty has long since worn off, and I have to confess I've gotten sorta lazy with the charting.

Enter my newest favorite find (a discovery made possible for me by Simple Mom via Twitter): Mon.thly

Because of all of the months of legitimate charting, I really am quite in sync with my body's rhythms, so I usually have a general idea of when I'm ovulating and when to expect Aunt Flo to come stomping by again.  The awesome and amazing thing about Mon.thly is that all I had to do was enter in some of my recent start dates, and ta-da!  It tells me all kinds of helpful info.

For example, would you like to know that I'm currently on day 13 of this month's cycle, and that my cycles are averaging 32 days each?  Perhaps you might like to know that I'm currently in the follicular phase.  Perhaps a little too much information for you about me?  Perhaps.  But what I'm trying to tell you is that Mon.thly helps me to know all of that stuff at a glance.  It will also email me two days before my projected ovulation date and two days before my expected start date . . . just as a friendly little heads-up.  Best part?  ALL FREE. 

Easy-peasy monthly cycle management totally works for me. 

Where We Stand: Foundations of Our Philosophy

As promised, we are ready to share with you some of the foundational beliefs that have inspired and motivated this book. 

We want to state once again, as I am sure we will many times in the course of upcoming weeks of discussion, that we are not in any way attacking parents who have chosen different approaches to parenting their babies.  Parents whom we know and dearly love have found great success in practicing the methods set forth by books such as On Becoming Babywise and other similar parenting books, and we would never condemn any parent for lovingly and thoughtfully choosing to follow what works for them as a family in their unique set of circumstances.

Today we are setting forth the foundational beliefs that Laura and I share.  These beliefs are at the core of what we have written, and these are the principles we are passionate about sharing with Christian parents who want to consider an alternative to what mainstream books on parenting promote.  We realize some of this controversial, perhaps even radical, and we are opening ourselves up to be challenged in the ensuing discussions. 

Foundations of Our Philosophy:

1) We believe each baby is a magnificent and miraculous creation of God; each is a unique individual with a personality and temperament all his own.  Imposing a one-size-fits-all approach to parenting can frequently lead to undue frustration and/or disillusionment, and may hinder parents from experiencing the wonder of God's creation in the person of their baby. 

 2) We believe that because each baby is entirely known by our Creator God, it is important to rely on the wisdom of God rather than the wisdom of man in parenting each baby individually.  We can call on the Word of God as well as promptings of His Spirit within us to receive divine guidance in our parenting choices.
 
3) We believe that babies cry to express their needs, not to control or manipulate their parents.  We stand with documented and sound research which indicates that responding to baby's cries promotes brain development, social skills, and secure attachment.

 4) We acknowledge that babies are, by design, very needy.  We believe surrendering ourselves to meeting the needs of our babies in their first year of life is one way in which we can answer Christ's call to servanthood in our own homes. 

 5) We believe that oftentimes when parents try to avoid the "idolatry of the firstborn" or "idolatry of the newborn," they may fall victim to the idolatry of scheduling.  While we fully embrace and understand the importance of routine in shaping the events of a baby's day, we believe that sometimes a preoccupation with scheduling can stand in the way of Christian parents experiencing a deep and meaningful season of spiritual growth and the moments of joy and gratitude inherent in parenting new babies.

6)  We believe that God intends the marriage relationship to be the primary and central relationship in the home, and that it should be honored, nurtured, and treasured as such.  We believe that parenting together out of a servanthood mindset can actually strengthen the marriage relationship and bring about a deeper level of love, appreciation, and intimacy between husband and wife. 

We are not writing an Attachment Parenting manual. While we have each embraced aspects of parenting that mirror or follow some core tenets of the Attachment Parenting style, we have also chosen a number of paths that fall outside of the AP realm. (SortaCrunchy's name is actually inspired by this both-worlds mentality!) We are definitely disheartened by the way that we perceive mainstream Christian parenting manuals encourage a sort of detachment between parent and child, and we do not believe it is possible to spoil a baby by holding, cuddling, or tending to them “too much”. Our overall message, though, is one that encourages not so much method, but mindset, one that encourages consistent response and an attitude of servanthood, and one that we believe is modeled after the very heart of God the Father.

Our ability to convince a publisher that there is a need for a book like this is dependent, in many ways, on the response and feedback that is generated here.  We invite you to share your response to these ideas, whether you agree or disagree with our philosophies.  Our desire is to foster safe, open, and honest discussion here. 

(Please remember that we will be responding to your comments within the comment section so that we can all fully participate in this conversation.)

It's a small favor that we ask

Last week, I mentioned Laura and I are working on our formal book proposal.  A completed book proposal includes information about the competition - essentially, published books that speak to the same subject we are addressing.  We are writing to a very specific audience (Christian parents and parents-to-be) about a very specific topic (an approach to parenting your baby in the first year).

Laura has compiled a list of books that are already on the market, but each of live in small towns in the Midwest and therefore are a bit limited in our research options.  Of course, we have relied heavily on internet searches to this point, but we would really love to get a peek at what is actually on the shelves at brick-and-mortar bookstores across the country (oh, and internationally, too!). 

This is where we would like to ask a small favor. 

If you are going to be out and about over the weekend or in the coming week, if you have a little extra time (*snort*), would you mind to pop into your local bookstore and scan the shelves for us?  I know, I know.  It's so cold outside!  Doesn't a trip to your bookstore sound just like what your family needs to relieve a little cabin fever?  Hmmmm?  Sounds good to me!

What we need to know specifically are what books are on the shelves right now that address parenting babies (birth to twelve months).  It can be very any perspective, but again, we are particularly interested in what is out there for Christian parents.

What's in it for you?  Oh, just our undying gratitude and lavish amounts of appreciation. 

Who knows, maybe I'll do a drawing for a prize.  You just never do know with me. 

Thanks in advance for helping us with this part of our project!

Photo courtesy Stewart

evidently , things are tough all over

For those who are patiently and graciously waiting more discussion related to and inspired by our book, thank you for your gracious patience.  We're floundering a bit on how and when to approach which topics. (Well, I'm floundering; Laura is reflectively musing.  I tend to flail about while Laura is a bit more measured and stable.  That will be important to bear in mind in future discussions.)  

So I'm breaking all kinds of blog rules today by posting off-topic while we are trying to build our niche, but the serendipitous-ness of two seemingly unrelated moments in time have compelled me to this post, blog rules be darned.   

First, I was putting clothes away in the girls' room this morning and found this scene:

I assure you, this was in no way staged by me.  This is exactly how I found Dollhouse Daddy.  I had no idea Dollhouse Daddy was in the finance industry.

He was quickly rescued by AJ who consoled him by sucking on his yarn hair.

If this picture doesn't beg a caption, I don't know what does!

Not even a half hour later, I was breezing through my Google Reader and found this darling post by my shiny brand new blog friend Heather of the Extraordinary Ordinary.  And from there, I clicked over Cheaper than Therapy and discovered A Thousand Words Thursday. 

I just had to play along, but I assure you, sweet friends and readers, real actual meaningful content is on its way.  We appreciate you too much to let loose with my usual unorganized, barely connected, prone to soapboxing thoughts.

Thanks for, um, hanging with us. 

(more A Thousand Words Thursday entries here)

May I Show You How I Groove?

I love to dance. 

My girls love to dance.

My husband . . . does not love to dance.  But even he has been known to shake, shake, shake it when his oldest daughter implores, "Daddy!  Come dance!"

Having only had two years of formal instruction in the art of dance allows me the complete and utter freedom to make up for my lack of technical training with unbridled enthusiasm, a la Elaine Benes.  Because I am mindful of the good taste of the public-at-large, my Lordess of the Dance glory is confined to the privacy of my home.

Dancing ministers most to me and my girls when things are kind of yucky. 

• Doing the dishes is not the highlight of my day.  The SortaCrunchy Cottage lacks a dishwasher, so I get to spend more time at the sink than ever before.  A little move and groove keeps me distracted from the drudgery. 
• Regular housework?  Not a fan.  I've been known to add a little jump and jive to the dusting, and I'm pretty sure that counts towards activity points for the day.
• Each of my girls are prone to melting down a bit during the witching hour, and I've found my best defense is to get them in the kitchen for some dance therapy while I get dinner thrown together.   

Some days I wake up on the yucky side of the bed, in desperate need of both coffee and forward positive thinking.  I've recently rediscovered a site that helps me find my groove mentally as I begin each new day with my girls.  Scott Noelle's EnjoyParenting.com encourages parents to, well, find ways to enjoy the days of parenting by providing tiny but powerful nuggets of inspiration in the form of The Daily Groove. 

The Daily Groove email appears in my inbox each morning.  Taking twenty seconds to read and reflect on his encouragement for the day has become a fixture in my morning routine (which, on a good day, starts with coffee, the Bible, and prayer; a not-as-good days starts with coffee and twitter).  His wisdom for parents is never condemning and always seeks to inspire parents to transform their mental outlook from "I think today might be the day I run away from home" to "I think today will be the day I will be fully cognizant of the amazing people my children are becoming."  Or something like that.

Is Joy Knocking on Your Door? is one of my most favorite recent entries, one that really helps me daily to reconnect with my mama groove.

What about you?  Do you sometimes get out-of-synch with the parenting thing?  When?  Why?  What helps you get back in the groove?

photo by ben matthews

(while I wish I could take credit for the title, I can't.  Fans of PBS Kids will recognize this line as the way Sid the Science Kid's friend May introduces herself each episode)