SortaCrunchy

There Will Be Poop

I'm just going to warn you right here, right now, this post is all about poop.  Humiliation and poop.  If such things are offensive to your delicate sensitivities (what on earth are you doing here?), you'll need to move along now.

Something you might not know about me is that in real life, on the other side of that screen, I actually get embarrassed quite easily.  You wouldn't guess that, I'm sure, considering that I have discussed everything from cloth pads to my monthly cycles (and many other mildly embarrassing topics) here, but it's true.  It doesn't take much at all to make me blush, and so the events that have transpired in the past few hours have left me nearly catatonic and in hiding in the corners of my own home.

Why share it publicly?  Because this, my friends, this is a cautionary tale.  It is a story - an absolutely true account - that serves to remind you that when one has a child still mostly in diapers, no matter how many times or how often the potty is used at home, one must never, never, ever ever ever leave the house without a back-up diaper.

This story begins with AJ.  Of course it does, because even on Dacey's most outrageous days, she's got nothin' on a typical day with Aliza Joy.  In the past week, AJ has decided to learn the potty.  She'll be twenty-two months old next week, and this step towards independence is entirely her idea.  I don't even actually practice potty "training" (that's another post for another day when I'm not contemplating a name change and plastic surgery) (and considering that I contemplate plastic surgery daily, it could be a while before that post gets written), but I've been trying to just go with her sudden interest and determination to use the potty all the time, every time.  Dacey did not potty learn until she was nearly three, so the thought of impending freedom from diapering was hard to resist.

So within the first five minutes of waking this morning, AJ told me she needed to poop.  She went to the little potty and poop she did!  And continued to do this, I kid you not, every fifteen to twenty minutes.  She would produce a little tiny poop, triumphantly dump the contents into the big potty, and stand waving joyously over the swirling waters saying, "Bye bye poopie!" 

I had to make a quick trip to the library, and it had to be done today.  I've been leading the baby/toddler story time at the library on Wednesday mornings this summer, and Last Minute Lucy that I am, I still had not chosen the story for tomorrow.  A series of events put us running behind, so it wasn't until I pulled out of the driveway that I realized I hadn't grabbed an extra diapers and wipes.  Oh well, she's been pooping all morning.  What are the odds?

The odds?  The odds?  Were not in my favor today, friends.

So we picked out a nice little stack of books, and the girls played with puzzles and trains while I tootled around on the card catalog computer.  (Or whatever that new-fangled book-looker-upper-thang is called these days.)  It wasn't too long before I realized AJ had pooped again - in her diaper.  The only diaper I had on me.

As I took her to the bathroom to change her, I debated about what to do.  Do I just leave immediately with no stack of books, no plan for tomorrow?  Do I just chance it for a few minutes - just long enough to check out the books and then high-tail it for home?  It was a classic Sliding Doors moment.  I went through the door only idiots walk through - the Door of the Diaperless Toddler.

As we walked back out into the library, I saw that a family of five had come in and lined up at the check-out counter to get library cards.  Each one needed one.  Okay.  So we'll hang out here in the kids' section for a few minutes while we wait.  Maybe it was thirty seconds, maybe it was three minutes.  I couldn't tell you how long in actual time increments we stood there, but I can tell you this: 

It was exactly long enough for AJ to let loose with a week's worth of buried treasure that slid quickly and efficiently right down her pant leg and piled up there on the floor of the public library.

I wanted to die.  I wanted to run away.  I wanted to run away to a quick, painless death.  But I couldn't because if I did, I know she would have started playing in it.  What transpired next is the part that is so humiliating, I'm still not able to put words to it.  Hurried trips back and forth to the bathroom with AJ tucked under my arm, Dacey standing in the children's section loudly declaring, "oooooooooooh, that poop STINKS," glares from the library staff . . . Awful.  Just awful.

You either laugh or you cry, right?  Well, I cried all the way home, and then some more once we got home.  When Kyle came home at lunch, I moved forward to the laugh-cry.  I haven't cried while writing this, but I am surely not to the point of laughing.  Maybe in a year or two, I'll read over this and giggle, but I'm not there yet.

The worst part is I have to go back there in the morning - not even allowing 24 hours to expunge a little of the memory of The Poop Incident from the minds of the library staff.  Thank goodness they have a back door and thank goodness the children's librarian is also AJ's Sunday School teacher and so she knows a little bit of what it means to experience Aliza.

And you'll notice, won't you, that there is no picture to illustrate this story.  Posting about poop is a time-honored tradition in the Sorority of Mommy Bloggers, but taking the time to grab my phone to snap a picture of the mess would have definitely earned me a public excommunication from the library.  Plus, that's just gross.

So go ahead.  Poke fun.  Laugh it up.  Just don't forget the lesson to be learned here: when the question "what's the worst that could happen?" arises, just remember the answer is always "poop on the library floor."  Because that's exactly what could happen.

Birth Story Series: Thoughts from Katie on Preparing for an Intervention-Free Birth

What wonderful feedback there has been so far on the birth story series!  Today we continue with a guest post from Katie who shares her thoughts on how and why she planned an intervention-free birth:

Don’t be a hero . . .

You know there’s no gold star at the end . . .

But WHY??

All of these comments, and many others, were heard in the months preceding my daughter’s birth in February 2008.  When I mentioned that I was planning to pursue natural childbirth, I mostly got a LOT of strange responses, very few of which were actually supportive. 

My guess is that  there are 2 reasons behind this:

• The reasons for pursuing natural (intervention-free) childbirth are often misunderstood.

• It’s assumed that because of my choice – I am judging you for yours. 

Honestly, I had no strong feelings about medication during childbirth prior to becoming pregnant.  Once I knew I had a precious little life growing inside me, a beautiful gift from God, I realized that part of my role as The Mama was to make informed choices about my child(ren).  And so, I began to read.

I visited websites, read blogs, checked out books, and talked to friends… and surprised myself by not-so-slowly becoming convinced that natural childbirth was the right choice for me and for my family. 

I didn’t want to be a hero – nor did I want to earn anyone’s respect by “proving how tough I was.”  What I did want was to give my body the chance to do exactly what God made it to do – grow a little life over the course of nine months and give birth in its own time.   I had no delusions that it would be easy, nor did I care what people thought about my choice.  My husband was incredibly supportive, and I believed that God had created a perfect system for “being fruitful and multiplying.”  (Granted, this perfect system of His exists in an imperfect world, and does not always proceed without unavoidable complication).

I took a natural childbirth class at a local birth center, and planned an intervention-free birth at a hospital (we were a bit gun-shy of the birth center for our very first pregnancy).  I was able to give birth to my daughter in a hospital, surrounded by fabulous nurses and doctors who took excellent care of us – and I did so without intervention (oh – aside from my water being broken right before I began to push).

The things I’ve learned and truly believe from my experience are:

-          1.  Preparation is key – I did so much reading and had gotten such a wealth of information from my childbirth class that I felt well prepared for the task ahead.  It was tough – I’m not going to lie – but I truly believed I could do it, that I was MADE to do it, and that I had tools to help me.

-          2.  Barring any aforementioned unavoidable complications, all women are capable of having an intervention-free birth. 

-          3.  That being said – the choice to pursue a drug-free birth is not necessarily for everyone.  I believed it to be the best choice for me, and I pursued it aggressively.  I’m thrilled with my birth experience and my daughter was born healthy and strong.  That was most important – period.

-          I don’t expect rewards for being tough, and I don’t judge anyone else for their choices.  I do believe that we all have a responsibility to make informed decisions about childbirth – but those choices won’t look the same across the board. 

Katie is a happy at-home-mama to Hazel (16 months old), wife to Mark, and is looking forward to welcoming Baby 2.0 sometime in August.  Thanks for reading - check out A Heartful of Eternity for even more!

(precious newborn close-up photo by timsamoff)

Birth Story Series: Elizabeth's Intervention-Free Hospital Birth Experience

Continuing the birth story series today with a guest post from a wonderful friend of mine - Elizabeth.

Birthing Without Intervention: My First Experience

I’ve always enjoyed hearing and reading about other people’s birth stories, but before I had a baby I never really considered what mine would be like. I certainly never expected to be a mom who did it without any intervention. In fact, I distinctly remember screaming at my husband in the car on the way to the hospital, “Get me an epidural THE SECOND we get there!”  Things did not go exactly how I planned them to, but now I wouldn’t want to do it any other way.

Giving birth to my first child changed the way I look at childbirth, and it gave me confidence I didn’t know I could have. I chose a wonderful midwife for my prenatal care and she taught me a great deal about my body and its ability to nourish and care for my unborn baby. As it got closer to my due date, I got nervous about the possibility of delivering her without any pain medication. I was delivering in a hospital, so I never expected to not be able to have an epidural.

My labor started suddenly in the middle of the night and from the beginning my contractions were 2-3 minutes apart. We headed to the hospital quickly because it was 45 minutes away, but before we left my mom had my husband gather a few supplies in case I had to deliver en route. Things were intense, and I didn’t have time to think about anything other than what was happening to my body. I was entirely focused on trying to breathe and staying comfortable while my husband frantically drove. I later realized that I was going through the transition stage of labor in the car. No wonder I was so hysterical!

When we arrived at the hospital the nurse gave me good news and bad news. I was already dilated to 9 cm; and that meant I could not have an epidural! I was shocked and terrified, but the midwife cared for me by putting cool washcloths on my face and neck and keeping the room peaceful. She had such a calming presence, and it was no different even in the midst of a quickly-progressing labor. I was able to stay rather calm as it got closer to time to push. That time came very soon. My midwife gently urged me to give it my all. But once I could see the baby’s head crowning I wanted nothing more than to push her body out (There was a mirror at the end of the bed so I could see what was happening). I pushed for only 30 minutes, and my daughter was born after a mere four hours of labor. My labor was intense, but I was able to manage the pain and never felt out of control or helpless. I prefer to say that I delivered my baby, not the midwife. It was hard work and actually quite loud because of my yells! I’ve had two more babies in almost the same way.

The best part was the minutes after she was born. The midwife handed her to me and I just stared, examining her every part and overflowing with adoration for this tiny being who I already knew so well. She was wide awake and latched on to my breast easily, and we spent an hour together before the nurses took her to be weighed.

The first time I had a baby I didn’t choose to give birth naturally.  It was chosen for me because my labor was so fast. But once I knew that I could do it and have a peaceful, calm experience, I was confident in my body’s ability to birth a baby without the interventions that are so common in American hospitals. I am not a better mom because of how I gave birth; no one is. I am passionate about encouraging women to seek the right prenatal and labor care for them.  I love sharing about my experience with a midwife and no interventions during labor and why it worked for me.  Some people mistakenly assume that I have a problem with moms who choose to use interventions, but nothing could be farther from the truth. I am grateful that there are measures available to help women in labor, and some of these interventions are necessary to save the life of the mother or the baby, or even to relieve the pain of labor when it becomes unbearable.

The most important aspect to any labor and delivery is a healthy mother and baby. However a woman and her doctor choose for that to happen is an individual choice. I am thankful that I was able to have my babies without any interventions.

And I secretly hope I get to do it again.

Elizabeth is an Oklahoma transplant who blogs about her life’s passions at Finding Him Bigger. A stay-at-home-mom to three kids ages 10, 6, and 1, Elizabeth loves the Lord and knows that He is bigger than any struggle or challenge in our lives. She is passionate about encouraging and equipping parents, especially young moms, and hopes to one day make use of a counseling degree by working as a parent educator. Her greatest passions of mothering are natural childbirth, breastfeeding, and attachment parenting practices.

darling newborn photo courtesy of Bethany L King

Birth Story Series: Desiree's Homebirth Experience

Today I am kicking off a series of birth story guest posts from those who have had homebirths or intervention-free hospital/birth center birth experiences.  Please bear in mind I am not sharing these birth stories to cause anyone to feel ashamed or defensive or condemned for their own birthing choices and experiences; each of my daughters are Cesarean births, and so I wanted to be able to provide you with a more natural perspective than I can give you.  And besides all of that, who doesn't love a good birth story? 

The first birth story in this series comes from Desiree:

I do not like hospitals. I might even go far as to say that I HATE HOSPITALS. All things medical have always sort of freaked me out, made me nervous & very uncomfortable. This was my first hint that a home birth might be the thing for me.

The thought of giving birth in a hospital, a place frequented by the sick & injured, has always made me feel very unsettled. It seems as though no matter who you are or why you are there, when you are in a hospital you are treated as “a sick person” -- someone who has a medical problem which needs to be remedied. This is not the case with having a baby – a completely natural & beautiful event. I knew that I wouldn’t want to feel as though I was being “treated” while I was giving birth – I wanted to feel the power & the incredible emotion of the moment.

About six months before my partner, Ryan, & I decided to try for our first child a friend of mine had a home birth. Her experience seemed so positive and it stuck with me. It was beautiful. There was nothing sterile or medical about it. There were no tubes & wires, IVs in her arm or nurses rushing about. Just midwives, friends, family & so much love. The idea of having a baby in the comfort of my own home? My own room? Beautiful. When Ryan & I found out I was pregnant (after our first month of trying!) I decided that a home birth was what I wanted.

My midwife was very supportive of my choice for a home birth throughout my entire pregnancy. She helped me get my iron levels back up when I was found to be anemic & she talked me through what to expect at home so that Ryan & I would both feel completely comfortable with everything that would happen. The whole experience leading up to my home birth was fantastic.

I really loved that I knew who would be delivering my child. I also agreed to have a student midwife help with our care and she did a fantastic job. At the birth both my primary midwife as well as the student were present and both were absolutely fantastic. It was such a positive experience. I loved that at each of my visits to her office I got to stay for nearly an hour & have all of my questions answered. The offices were set up more like living rooms with big comfortable chairs and a bed to lay on for examinations. Even the bed was just a bed – not a scary medical contraption with stirrups. Comfort was the name of the game.

Since I wanted a home birth, my midwife also came to my house for one of our visits & we got to discuss how I wanted to labour, who I wanted present at the birth, what my ideal situation would be as well as what my preferences were for things like episiotomies (no thank you!) and what would happen if it became necessary to transfer me to the hospital. It really did feel like I was talking to a friend – a caring friend who really wanted me to have the best experience possible. I never felt rushed & I felt like I could ask her anything. After hearing horror stories about insensitive doctors from friends, I was so relieved.

Pain management is something that many people asked me about when I told them I wanted to give birth at home. What about an epidural? Don’t you want “the drugs”? Most people seemed to think that natural child birth just wasn’t for them – but I knew it was for me. I will admit now that there was a moment during my labour that I thought “Ok, I understand why people get epidurals, but I want to do this on my own” – and I did. Having a natural birth makes me feel really proud & incredibly strong. If I can do that? I can do ANYTHING.

My daughter is now 18 weeks old and I am so happy to look back at my birth and feel so positively about it. It was the most intense experience of my life & also the most wonderful. My best friend cut her cord, my partner held her immediately, I snuggled my daughter while being stitched up & got to have a bath in MY OWN BATHTUB within an hour of giving birth. All of these things let me look back on my birth with such a good feeling in my heart. I would absolutely recommend a home birth to anyone, whether it was their first child or their tenth. It was simply beautiful.


Desiree is a young Canadian stay at home mama to nearly five month old daughter, Gretchen. She is an advocate for natural & attachment parenting chronicling her life, her inspirations & her loves on her blog, So Fawned.

(lovely photo by maessive)

Cloth Diapers on a Budget - Fun Contest!

I am honored to have been chosen by Lisa of the super helpful website Cloth Diapers Made Easy to serve as a judge for the Making Cloth Diapers on a Budget contest! 

If you have a helpful tutorial on how to sew your own cloth diapers that you would like to share with others, or if you just want to enter a contest to share pictures of diapers you have made, I encourage you to enter this contest.  There are some really great prizes for the winners (grand prize - $150 gift certificate to Baby Cotton Bottoms!) and what a wonderful opportunity to encourage others in the art of diaper construction.

All of the contest details can be found on the contest page.  Please note the deadline for entry is July 21, 2009. 

Lisa is such a friendly, helpful woman who has put so much time and energy into Cloth Diapers Made Easy - I am hoping there will be a great turnout for this contest!  I look forward to getting to see all of the entries.

Lisa and her husband Don are also the owners of a fantastic little shop called Chubbas 'n Boop featuring "handmade toys for creative play" - all handmade by Don!  I'm constantly drooling over their selection of natural toys.  If you are shopping for beautiful, quality handmade toys, I know you will not be disappointed with Chubbas 'n Boop. 

(pretty dyed prefolds picture by Ja-nelle)

 

away.

I originally had planned to run some of the wonderful birth stories and experiences from those who shared their intervention-free and homebirth guest posts with me this week.

My time and energy has been diverted away from the blog this week, and I'll be away from the computer for the next few days.  Many apologies to those who are patiently waiting for their posts to air.  I hope to be back on schedule next week.

I hope the weekend is full of family, fellowship, and fun for each of you. 

(you know I do love some alliteration on a summer morning.  Well, actually, anytime.)

Blessings on you.

Photo by Robert Brooks

On the Occasion of My Thirty-Second Birthday: My Birthday in Numbers

I turned thirty-two today.  Here's the breakdown:

Number of hours my mother labored before I was born: "Gosh, sweetheart, I don't know.  A lot."

Number of hours of sleep I got last night: 6 (no one's fault but my own.  and that stupid feed reader)

Number of waffles (blueberry!) I ate for breakfast: 2

Number of minutes past my projected time to leave the house for a morning of shopping with the girls: 90

Number of stores I had planned to hit to shop for clothes (for me ONLY): 3

Number of stores we actually shopped: 1

Number of outfits I tried on that I myself had selected: 8

Number of outfits I tried on because Dacey selected them for me: 2

Number of diaper disasters that occurred in dressing room (and by disaster I mean the smell was so bad I thought my face would melt off and I am pretty sure the store clerks were herding people to the other side of the store and were maybe about to call Disaster Preparedness): 1

Number of times Dacey asked if we were going to the mall playground now (now? How 'bout now? Are we done yet? Are you almost done?  Now?): Gosh, sweethearts, I don't know.  A lot.

Number of times I nearly fainted at how much two slices of pizza and two sodas will cost a mama at the mall food court these days ($11.87?! For REAL?!): 1

High temperature for today: 98
Normal high temperature of mid-June: 88
Temperature in my car in early afternoon when we left the mall: One Gazillion

Number of minutes AJ napped on the drive home during what would normally be her afternoon nap: 0

Number of cakes Dacey originally had in mind for us to make to celebrate my birthday: 4

Number of minutes it takes one preschooler to grate one carrot: 17

Number of minutes it takes one mama to grate the remaining carrots required to equal the three cups necessary for carrot cake: 3

Number of carrot cakes with red (pink) icing I've seen in foodie magazines and/or on TV: 0  (And yet, she insisted.  Sometimes you gotta go with it.)

 

Number of bites the preschooler who picked out carrot cake actually took of the completed carrot cake: 3 ("but mama, I don't LIKE carrot cake!")

Number of Happy Birthday! messages on my Facebook wall:  Too many to count.  A lot.  Way, way more than I expected or deserved.

Number of birthday cards that arrived in the mail today: 4 (number with a little play money for the mama? 2!)

Number of handmade birthday cards I received: 1

Number of i-tunes gifts that arrived in my email inbox today: 1 (thank you again, sweet friend!)

Number of packages that arrived with a handmade gift all the way from far California: 1

How about a peek:

(thank you again, friend.  priceless to me.)

Number of calories consumed in birthday dinner from our favorite place down the street: Don't ask.  It's obscene.  (But in my defense, they fix up hand-battered onion rings so tender and delectable that I've seen grown men get a little teary upon tasting.  Hurt yourself good.)

Number of loads of laundry done today: 0

Number of rooms that got vacuumed: 0

Number of rounds of dishes done: 3 (I just really can't let that stuff stack up.  No dishwasher and all.)

Number of times AJ tinkled in the potty: 1 (yippee!)

Hours of quiet conversation, leisurely reading, and general post-babies-bedtime luxury: 3 (and counting)

Overall, sweet friends, I feel so utterly spoiled and entirely well-celebrated as the clock ticks down on "my" day.  This heart is full of happy and this day will go down in the books as

As He Leads Us: Working Through Early Breastfeeding Challenges

Such great discussion on last week's AHLU post on prayerfully considering feeding choices.  Today, Laura shares her experience with the difficulties she faced when she began her breastfeeding journey with her oldest child, Maya:

I never expected to be anything even remotely close to a breastfeeding enthusiast.  I planned to try it out, took the requisite classes, etc.   Along the way, I tucked away one piece of advice that had jumped out at me more than any other at the breastfeeding class.  Don't quit before six weeks.  It can be really hard to get started.  But just give it six weeks...  Of course, I had no idea at that point exactly how hard it could really be.  I would quickly find out that nursing a baby, although one of the most natural aspects of motherhood, can also be one of the most frustrating.

Reality hit almost immediately after my first child's birth, as I struggled through the first night of parenthood, unable to figure out why I couldn't seem to feed my baby.  Over and over I tried to help her find a good latch,  while she would pull away, crying.  I cried too.  In the morning, a lactation consultant sat with us for quite some time, watching Maya's mouth and trying out some new holds and strategies with us to combat the latch issue.  Finally, she suggested that I wear a contact nipple shield for a few days, until Maya was accustomed to the positioning necessary for nursing.  The plan was that I would wean her off of the shield within approximately one week.  That didn't happen.

Once at home, I still battled through feedings.  The shield made my letdown slower, which resulted in Maya becoming so upset as she tried to begin a meal that she would cry hysterically, making the process all the more difficult.  She often took forty-five minutes or more to finish a feeding, meaning that I would sometimes end one nursing session and begin another one an hour and a half later, attempting to squeeze a bit of sleep in between.  Please, Lord.  Help me make it through a few more weeks.  I tried to quit several times, while my husband sat beside me, patiently reminding me of my six-week goal.  "It's just a few more weeks.  Then we can see how you feel.  You can do this!"  As much as I wanted him, or someone, to just let me off the hook, it didn't happen that way.  Looking back, I'm tremendously thankful for that.

Something happened over those next few weeks.  We sort of hit a groove.  I remember the first night that I didn't feel it was necessary to wake Mark up to help me with a feeding. Maya no longer no longer cried during mealtimes.  And while she still ate quite often, her feedings grew somewhat shorter in length, giving me longer stretches of sleep.  I felt as though I were getting my feet back under me.  By the time the six-week mark rolled around, I was ready to take a deep breath and keep moving forward.

As time went on, breastfeeding became a familiar experience - something I would have never expected given those first weeks.  And a new day dawned when Maya turned six months old.  Starting on solid foods and reaching new developmental milestones helped her to naturally transition to less frequent nursing sessions and other ways of soothing herself.   And remember that contact nipple shield?  The one that we planned to ease Maya off of within a week?  Well finally, at six months old, she was able to do without it.  It was smooth sailing now, and there was no question in my mind that I'd nurse her through her whole first year.

So, what does breastfeeding have to do with a servanthood parenthood philosophy?  Well, in itself, not much.  I've become a huge advocate of breastfeeding.  But what I want to get across with my story isn't as much an endorsement of breastfeeding as it is another example of the value that comes from heeding the Lord's wisdom and your own God-given instincts over one-size-fits-all advice when it comes to parenting your child, no matter which feeding choice you are led to make along the way.  Personally, I was led to breastfeed.  And looking back, I can see that when I allowed myself to accept the individual needs that Maya came into this world with, to release my predisposed expectations of what my breastfeeding experience should be, and to respond to her cues and to the unique challenges we faced together, I was blessed with some of the clearest revelations I've received from God thus far about Himself and about parenthood.  But here's the thing...the important aspect of the story wasn't the way in which I chose to nourish my child.  It was the way He guided me to a greater understanding of dependence upon Him, of surrendering my desires and plans, and of what it means to simply trust.  For me, breastfeeding was the path this part of my spiritual journey took.

So what am I trying to say here?  Two things.  First, that I know and sympathize in a very real way with the struggles that can come with breastfeeding, and that my story is a testimony to the difference that help from professionals, support from loved ones, and perseverance (sometimes through tears and gritted teeth) can often make in overcoming those difficult times.  And secondly, an echo of the central theme that Megan and I want to hold above everything else as we write these posts and work on our book...Listen to your heart, your child's unique needs, and most importantly – to God's guidance as you make each decision, including this one. 

 

 

Thoughts on schooling - guest post from Karen

Last month, Karen shared her wisdom and encouragement for some of the frustrations that come along with nursing a toddler and received a warm and enthusiastic response from so many of you.  Today she returns to share her thoughts on schooling choices in general.  As you'll read, she has experience with every format that educating our children can take.  I know you'll appreciate hearing her thoughts on the choices available to parents today.

One of the most important decisions we make as mothers involves teaching our children. It begins at the moment of birth, and continues into adulthood. And, as our children's very first teachers, it is with some trepidation that we all begin to contemplate that important part of their small lives... education.

As a mom of 6 kids, four of whom are currently in school, I have had a bit of experience with childhood education, in all of its many forms. Through the years, we have done it all – public, parochial, private, and homeschool. And I have learned a lot on the journey. The first thing to remember is that no matter which path you choose for your children, you need to feel confident in your choice. And, as I have learned, different circumstances may necessitate different schooling choices.

Advantages to parochial/religious and private schools - exceptional education, small class size, family atmosphere, accountability, and serious college prep. The individual attention devoted to each child is phenomenal. The value of citizenship and personal responsibility is stressed. The faculty is devoted to the success of your child individually, not simply focusing on the whole class. The cons: If you are not of the same religious persuasion as the school, you may have to do some explaining as to the differences in theology and doctrine your children have been taught since birth, and what they are exposed to at school. Not always big deal, but it is something to consider. Expensive, although financial aid is generally available. Don't let need keep you from applying. Smaller schools may be lacking in the wide range of extra-curricular activities found in larger private and public schools. But local school districts will often work with you to allow your children to participate in the sport or activity of their choosing.

Advantages to a public school education: It's free. Well, mostly. There are still activity fees, and other nickel-and-dime charges that no one really talks about. But there's no tuition. There is a full range of extra-curricular activities – something for everyone. Cons: Large classes and over-worked, underpaid teachers can provide a less-than optimal educational environment. Classes also tend to cater to the lowest common denominator of student, which may not be a great fit if your child is gifted. More and more, discipline and respect are lacking, and teachers have little recourse to enforce basic rules. And although the Character Counts program is taught in some schools, basic morality (NOT religion, but right/wrong) is often avoided, for the fear that toes may be stepped on. Of course there are some wonderful school districts out there. But you do need yo be an informed consumer, as with everything else.

Advantages to homeschooling: You are not tied to anyone's schedule but your own. This frees you to take family vacations on a whim, or to just take the day to go explore a museum or other natural attraction. Everything is a learning experience, and lessons are everywhere. You can tailor your curriculum to not only your child's ability, but also interests. Your children socialize with other children and adults who share your philosophies. Schoolwork is most often accomplished in a matter of hours, instead of consuming the entire day, allowing for creative play, social activities, and other pursuits. Cons: It can be daunting to choose a curriculum. There are so many good ones out there, and so many different approaches, from classical education with its roots in Greek and Latin, to unschooling, and everything in between. It can take some trial and error to fine-tune your system, even after you find a program that fits your needs. It can be challenging to enroll your child in extra-curricular activities, even though most public school systems are supposed to work with homeschoolers to accommodate them. Homeschooling still carries a stigma, in many places, that even though unfounded, can be hard to overcome.

But, all things considered, the things that you most need to discern is which is right for YOUR family. There is no one right answer, and you may find as your kids grow, and your circumstances change, your schooling needs will evolve, too. Don't be afraid to ask questions, interview schools, and learn all your options. For education, as everything else, follow your heart.

Karen is a 41 year-old SAHM to six of the best kids on the planet. She blogs at My Hands Are Full, But So Is My Heart where she chronicles her life on a semi-regular basis.

photo courtesy of david.nikonvscanon

Thoughts on Homeschooling - guest post from Mommy Bee

Today we continue the series on homeschooling.  This post is from Mommy Bee of Musings of Mommy Bee.

Here is a little background information on Mommy Bee: I was homeschooled from kindergarten until I finished the state requirements at 16 and started attending college. I am the eldest of 8 children, and while a few of us have taken a class or two at public school, for the most part we have all been at home from start to finish. Three of us now have Bachelor's degrees, two more are currently in college, and the youngest three are still at home. My degree is in education, and the more I learn about psychology, learning styles, and the average school classroom, the more I believe that it is not the best fit for every student. I believe I would have been a very successful student had I attended public school, however I am glad for the opportunities afforded to me by homeschooling, and I have never regretted my parents' choice for me in that regard.

Every homeschooler does things a little differently, and my mom was/is an "Eclectic" homeschooler: she used ideas from a variety of philosophies and texts and picked what worked best for her and for us. We did not 'unschool' (because we did have formal schooling time and it was not all student-led), but we also did not have 'school-at-home' (with strict schedules or purchased curriculum). We were somewhere in the middle. My mom keeps a blog about her homeschooling methods and philosophy at Black's Cool Homeschool if anyone is interested in more information about my specific background.

Now she shares her thoughts on growing up in a homeschool environment:

One of the first things that always comes up is socialization: did I feel left out? did I have friends? was I shy? how was it when I entered 'the real world'?

I always have to begin my response by asking this: how many of your friends have birthdays within one year of yours? Do you really think that the school form of 'socialization' is representative of real life? Because I have friends of many ages--I always have--and I think that my homeschooled experience gave me more 'real life' socialization than any public school.

Did I feel left out of things? Sure, sometimes I did. At seventeen I wanted to go to a dance with a certain boy. My parents didn’t object, but someone else invited him first, and I ended up staying home. I've heard many similar stories from public schooled kids though, so I don't think my being homeschooled had anything to do with the way things turned out.

Like most homeschoolers I've known, we were not 'unsocialized.’ We were active in church, had music lessons, and participated in community sports and theater. There are lots of places where kids can work/play with other kids, practice teamwork and sharing, and all those other basic social skills.

Was I shy? Yes, but so were my public-schooled parents, while several of my siblings were not. I believe that shyness is mostly about the personality of the child, and very little about their schooling environment.

As for being sheltered from the 'real world,' yes, I absolutely think that we were sheltered from many things. On the other hand, I think that is part of the responsibility of a parent: to protect and shelter their children when they're young so that they will be strong and ready for that real world when it comes. I think my mother explained it best in her "Tomato Theory of Child Rearing."

The second thing people usually ask about is curriculum: did we have a formal schedule? did we work from state-approved textbooks or programs? did we use a religious curriculum? did we have a specific room or place for school work? what did the average day look like?

The answer to these things will be different for each homeschooling family, depending on their reasons for homeschooling as well as their philosophy about learning. My mother tried to facilitate our each learning in the way that suited us best. When we worked together on things, we often gathered around the kitchen table, but I did a lot of work sprawled across my bed, my brother learned times tables while bouncing on a pogo stick, and my sister preferred to sit at a desk. My sister liked to have each day's assignments written out day-by-day, and completed a little work in each subject each day. I preferred to have a week's-worth of assignments written together, then I'd spend one day reading the entire book, one day doing several math lessons, one day really getting into history, and so on.

In elementary school the average school day was an hour or two; in high school it was usually around four. Our average day started with family devotionals, then breakfast and chores. Mom read aloud to us for a while, then we would each work on our assignments.  Mom collected numerous resources and created her own curriculum from them (which she often adapted from one kid to the next anyway). We studied math from a standard textbook; English from a variety of novels, poems, and workbooks; and history from biographies, timelines, historical fiction, and traveling to historical sites. Religion was part of our lifestyle, so it came into our studies, but we didn't use a 'religious curriculum.'

The last question people ask is whether I would choose to homeschool my own children. I don't think that homeschooling is a perfect default educational plan any more than I think public school is a perfect default. Each has benefits and drawbacks. In our family, my husband and I evaluate the needs of each child each year, and make a fresh decision about what we should do that year. My oldest son was part of a co-op preschool, then we waited a year on kindergarten (during which time we informally homeschooled). At six, he attended kindergarten at a charter school, but then attended the next two years at a public school.

What's next? I don't know! Like I said, we have no default, we just take each kid and each year as they come.

Questions for Mommy Bee?  Are there any homeschool graduates who might like to weigh in with their own responses to some of the questions posed to Mommy Bee?