As I've mentioned, we are preparing for All Hail Princess Aliza's 3rd Birthday party tomorrow. I am fresh out of creativity, so I am once again returning to your wonderfully thought-provoking questions from last January for writing inspiration.
My long-time dear friend Laura (aka Hollywood Housewife) asked:
do you believe in a soul-mate? do you believe in love at first sight?
i love your darling husband, so this is not to take any aim at him, of course.
it's just that i was recently asked this question and it forced me to think about what my REAL answer was, not just the stock one.
I've really had to think about this one.
Do I believe in soul mates?
Hmmmmm. Have I ever told you this story?
Kyle and I met and started dating in February of my freshman year of college. One of my sorority sisters - Christy - was dating a guy who lived across the hall from Kyle. She had been telling me for months that she thought I needed to meet him, that I would like him, that we had so much in common, yada yada. We finally ended up meeting one another at a Fellowship of Christian Athletes meeting on campus (though I must clarify - I was not, nor had I ever been, an athlete. Why was I there? I'm sure cute boys factored into the equation) and I decided I wanted to ask him to the upcoming Chi Omega Valentine's Day party.
(The theme was Chi Os in Cuffs.)
(Please don't tell my mother.)
So Christy decided the four of us should go on a double date before the party so Kyle and I could get to know one another. Kyle called me one afternoon to officially ask me to go on this double date, and though it was the first time we had ever really talked, we were on the phone for over an hour.
I went into my suitemate's room and said, "I think I'm gonna marry that boy."
And a little over two years later, I did exactly that.
Returning to Laura's question - do I believe in love at first sight? I certainly fell hard and fast in like with Kyle from the beginning. I honestly don't think I can say I believe in love at first sight. To me, love is something so rich in depth and knowledge and experience and history . . . I just don't think that love happens instantly. Absolutely attraction, chemistry, infatuation - all of those things can be instantaneous, but love . . . Personally, I don't think so.
When Kyle and I were in college, a very popular gift for girls to create for someone important in their lives (best friends, sorority Big and Lil sisters, boyfriends, etc) were these lapboards. We collaged pictures and magazine cut-outs and mementos onto the board, shellacked it all with Modge Podge, then sealed the whole thing with Liquid Glass. I made one for Kyle to commemorate our one year anniversary:
When I snapped this picture this morning, I noticed that right there between the picture of us at Chi Os in Cuffs and us in front of Niagara Falls, there were the words
So evidently as a dreamy-eyed sophomore in college, I believed in soul mates.
I'm preparing to dodge some flying tomatoes for this, but I have to confess that now I'm not so sure.
Our trusty friend Wikipedia says a soul mate is "a person with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, and/or compatibility." Okay yes, yes. I can dig that.
But it goes on to suggest a "related concept is that of the twin flame or twin soul – which is thought to be the ultimate soulmate, the one and only other half of one's soul, for which all souls are driven to find and join." This is where I get a little squirmy.
For one thing, only weeks before I met Kyle I had sworn off boys and dating and all of that heartache altogether. I most certainly didn't feel driven to find and join his soul. That all feels a little bit mystic, even for me. And mostly, I just feel like that is a huge responsibility to burden someone with. I think if Kyle thought he was the one and only other half of my soul, he might want to run away a little bit. And I think I wouldn't blame him.
The reason this is hard for me is because when I hear the phrase "soul mate," I think of someone with whom there is such compelling commonality, such sameness, such intense shared outlook on everything in life . . . and I don't think I want that. I think it would be hard to be married to, to be in it for the entirety of life, someone whose soul is exactly like mine. I think that would grow boring or irritating after awhile.
Pardon the trite for just a moment, but Kyle and I are much more yin and yang.
Where I am emotional and will spin out on anything at any given moment, he is logical and is able to calmly reel me back in. The thought of confrontation makes me burst into tears, and I secretly think he enjoys it. He uses his Coach Voice while I try to whisper. I never watch the news (ever) and he reads it several times a day on his phone. In fact, he adores his iPhone, and I am avoiding one at all cost. He is solidly conservative while I lean way into the progressive. My glasses are almost always rose-colored, but he views life through the lens of reality.
But somehow, it all balances out. And he knows me like no one else. And I know him. We can absolutely finish each other sentences, even if that means making statements that would never come out of our own mouths. And we appreciate the differences. And learn from them, too. He has helped me come to appreciate boxing while (and don't you dare tell a soul I told you this) he can call the judge's decision on Project Runway with far more accuracy than I can.
I don't know if I would say we are soul mates simply because I'm not totally on board with the concept. I do know this - we are really, really good together. And we are really, really good for each other. And I am really, really, really thankful that I went trolling for cute boys that night at FCA.
What do you think? Do you believe in soul mates? Love at first sight? Any other lovey-dovey gushy thoughts you want to share this weekend?