SortaCrunchy

accidentally on purpose

This week I

meant to get some writing done on Monday night, but then I went to a Girls' Night gathering in the home of a lovely friend where we swapped clothes and advice and life updates and there was food and drink and making merry.

planned to write more on Nestle-Free, but then Annie shared over at PhD in Parenting her answers to Questions for the #noNestle boycotters, and well, yeah.  What she said.

thought maybe Tuesday night would be a good time to put some thoughts down, but then our small group met and we sang and talked and listened and prayed and our kids played and fought and interrupted and colored and it was great.

entertained the idea of making Wednesday a catch-up day for life online, but then it was library storytime and AJ the Hospitality Ninja invited someone to join us for lunch as we were leaving and my house was a wreck and not company-ready, but no matter.  We shared ham sandwiches and real life together.

believed possibly there was still hope for Wednesday night, but then we went to a festival of fall on a piece of land south of town where a barn strung with Christmas lights held court for face painting and crafts and hot dogs and frito chili pie and we petted a horse whose liquid amber eyes spoke knowingly to me of gentleness.  And also, smores.

held out hope for Thursday but then . . . well, I don't even know where yesterday went.  And last night was the Runway finale and against my better judgement, I watched and like the whole season . . . meh.

And now here we are, Friday.  In a few hours, I'll drop AJ at the home of a friend who needs a Little Girl with Curls fix and I'll join another friend for a short road trip so we can meet our Big Kids at the Zoo in The City.  And tonight it's another fellowship in fall gathering and then

and then

and then

Maybe then.

(the picture is of a funny little still life AJ put together of her own free volition earlier this week.  I'm sure it means something, I just haven't figured out the inherent message yet.  Maybe later.)

 

Like mother, like daughter

Dacey drew that in church yesterday.

She makes my tree-hugging ways look half-hearted.  I think her head might explode if we put a #2 plastic in the trash.  This ode to creation care was entirely her own idea.

I thought surely she wasn't listening as she worked on her masterpiece, but bits and pieces of the sermon on the importance of serving others found their way into her ears.  How do I know this?  At one point, the preacher made the statement, "And we see this in Jesus' acts of service."  Dacey turned her face up to me and asked in a stage whisper that would have made any Broadway Baby beam:

Jesus' act of circus?  Is that true, mom?  Was Jesus in the circus?

(cue muffled laughter from the pew behind us)

* * *

When we got home, nearly slammed the door on her sister and then bolted from the car, raced to the front door and commenced in the ritual of teasing and taunting Aliza.  "I-I beat you.  You-u didn't wi-in!"

I'm afraid the heart of the service message was lost on her.

And sometimes it gets lost on me, too, I suppose.  All too often, I overthink the serving of others.  Lost in an array of options, I do nothing.  Or sometimes I don't think enough at all.  I leave the house with My List and fasten earmuffs of indifference over my ears.  I can't be interupted.  Not today.

So I guess we're working out how this looks together, my little family and I.  Our preacher made the statement yesterday that if we as the Body of Christ were fixated on serving others, lives would be radically changed.  I've been fixated on far lesser causes, that's for sure. 

Tightrope balance and spinning plates.  Perhaps the circus insight was pretty darn accurate after all.

Talking Cloth Diapers - Simple and Sorta

Well.  You all know I can talk about cloth diapering endlessly.  Talking about cloth diapers was actually one of the motivations for starting SortaCrunchy almost five years ago.

In a serendipitously lovely moment, I was scheduled to have articles published at both SImple Organic and Simple Mom this week.  Because Tsh is running a second mini-series on cloth diapering at Simple Mom (her first incredible series ran last year), she asked if I would write something related to cloth diapering.  I took the momentum and ran with it and spilled the discussion over to Simple Organic.

There is tons of great feedback in the comments of both posts, so I invite you to come join us at

• Cloth Diapering: It Doesn't Have to be All-Or-Nothing (aka how to "sorta" cloth diaper!) at Simple Organic
• Exploring 5 Stereotypes of the Cloth Diapering Family at Simple Mom

Pictured above is AJ rockin her cardinal and straw at five months.

 

Activism Across Party Lines: The Nestle Boycott

One week from today marks the beginning of International Nestle-Free Week, "a time for those who support the [Nestle] boycott to do more to promote it and for those who don't boycott to give it a go, at least for a week."

(If you aren't familiar with the reasons behind the Nestle boycott, take a moment to read Why I Protest Nestle's Unethical Business Practices at PhD in Parenting for an overview.)

Wait a minute.  Don't click away just yet.  Especially those of you reading who have used formula to feed your babies.  I fear that the topic of the Nestle boycott is perceived as a lactivist's cause and that those who have formula fed have the freedom to, at best, ignore the boycott, or at worst, lob accusations at Nestle boycotters for being insensitive to the plight of those who have chosen formula for infant feeding.

This could not be further from the truth.

I maintain that the Nestle boycott should be taken up by everyone, especially by parents on either end of the infant feeding spectrum.  Hang with me on this.

If you are a parent who formula fed, you know how imperative it is that formula be mixed with safe, clean water.  Parents who formula feed know that bottle feeding requires safe, clean water to wash baby bottles.  Parents who have fed babies formula know that the costs can prove to be a strain on the family budget.

Imagine if you lived in an area where your water sources were suspect at best.  Can you imagine mixing formula for your child with water that isn't safe for human consumption?  Can you imagine living in such desperate, desolate poverty that you can't afford to mix the formula full-strength, so you do the best you can to stretch the can, diluting and diluting until what your baby is fed is only a fraction of what she needs to grow and thrive?

Yet these areas of the world are included in the markets targeted by Nestle who makes promises on the can label that their formula will protect babies.  These are areas of the world where Nestle undermines breastfeeding "with untrue claims about its formula and refuses to provide information for those who use formula with information on how to reduce the risks. Powdered formula is not sterile and Nestlé does not want to admit this on labels because doing so would undermine its claims that its formula protects babies and may harm its sales" (from the Boycott Nestle blog). 

Think about what Annie wrote in her Open Letter published last fall in response to the Nestle Family Blogger event:

In developing countries, the difference between being breastfed and being bottle fed truly is life or death. When women choose to formula feed in developing countries, their babies are at significant risk. They do not have the financial means to keep buying formula, so they water it down and give their babies less than they really need. There is often a lack of clean water, so formula gets mixed with dirty water, which can lead to infections, disease and death.

Most every person reading this who has used formula for infant feeding lives in the luxury of an area where access to clean water is not an issue and where, if you cannot afford formula, there are government programs in place to provide formula for you.  I'm asking you to empathize with parents around the world who don't have access to breastfeeding support, nor do they have a safe way to feed formula to their babies.

Next week, I'll share a little more on why I believe we all should be boycotting Nestle products (and you can see from the logo above that Nestle extends its reach far beyond chocolate), but before we go there, I just felt like it would be best to preface those conversations with this one.

In my mind, parents in this country who formula feed should be leading the charge against Nestle as a way of showing solidarity and support for parents around the world.  Because in the end, the Nestle boycott isn't about you and your feelings about the infant feeding discussion.  It isn't about me and my passionate advocacy for breastfeeding.  The Nestle boycott is about holding Nestle responsible for its business practices and demanding that as a corporation, it would value human life over financial gain.

Join us, won't you?  (On Facebook or Twitter with the #noNestle hashtag or in your blog sidebar or, most importantly, at the cash register)

 

wrestling with What I Should Have Known

Remember how I told you I was stalking the newest issue of Mothering?  Well, it arrived over the weekend and I've taken my usual approach of reading it slowly slowly slowly, one article at a time (to make it last, ya know).

This issue is the Special Pregnancy Edition, and I thoroughly enjoyed Jennifer Margulis' article on Unassisted Childbirth called "Do-It-Yourself Birth."  I confess to lots of envy-tinted feelings surfacing as I read about the birth of Jennifer's fourth child, one attended by only her husband and herself.  I don't know necessarily know that I would ever choose an unassisted childbirth experience for myself; I think the envy comes from the knowledge that I will most likely never have that option.

I've written sporadically here about my daughters' Cesarean births.  I guess I don't really talk that much about their births in face-to-face conversation anymore.  It is what it is and healing and moving on and all that.

A few months ago, I was visiting with a new friend who also happens to be a doula, and she asked if I would share more about my birth experiences.  In the manner that I think probably that only the best doulas possess, she listened with a complete openness, without a trace of judgment, as I told her how I was so deliberately unprepared for childbirth.  How I skipped childbirth classes and focused instead on learning how to breastfeed, how I figured that the baby was coming out one way or another, that that was what the doctor was there for, but that breastfeeding? well, that was up to me alone to make work.

And then I said something out loud that I had never, ever said before.  It was a statement that I've known the truth of somewhere deep inside of me for a long, long time but had never put words to, let alone vocalized. 

I told her that if I had known that birth is about so much more than just "getting the baby out," that if I had known that I would be processing and working through my feelings about that birth experience for the rest of my life, then I would never have been so flippant, so unattached and uninvolved, so dangerously naive in my preparation for my daughter's birth.

Probably, it's not like this for most women.  I have to believe that most women don't wrestle down to the ground all that I Should Have Known, pin those regrets to the ground, only to find themselves blindsided by the weight of If Only when they were least expecting it.

Probably not, right?  I have to believe that because in the nine months that I grew large with impending motherhood, no one took my by the shoulders and asked me, "What are you doing to prepare for this birth?  Do you trust that your body can deliver this child safely into the world?  Do you believe that you are not at the mercy of doctors and machines?  Do you know that birth is a terrifyingly empowering experience?  Because 'the baby will come out one way or another' - that's not going to cut it.  So what are you doing to prepare?"

Yeah.  No.  No one asked.  Maybe because no one had asked them. 

Please don't read this as me dragging around guilt from over five years ago.  I don't for one second believe that the c-sections have made me a bad mom or that I have any reason to feel ashamed or less-than because of them.  No, this isn't about guilt or bitterness or resentment.

This is about regret.

And I'm old enough to know that regret and gratitude can exist in the same place. 

I am thankful for my girls, born healthy and safe and whole.  I am thankful for the fading pink scar that bears testimony to the only two birth experiences I have, the only two to call my own.  I am thankful for kind doctors and nurses and I am thankful for quick healing and I am thankful for life.

There are wrinkles of regret - like opportunities passed over and loves long lost, I suppose - that only time can smooth out.  I know a day will come when the topic of birth no longer elicits from me a backward glance and a defeated sigh and I'll be done with the wrestling matches once and for all.

In the meantime, may I have the courage to grab some shoulders and ask some hard questions and advocate with enthusiasm that which I have never experienced: birth that empowers and strengthens and transcends physical reality as it invites communion with the divine.

You Tell Me: Relief for TMJ Pain

Last week, I had some dental work done.  My dentist gave me a little pain medication in case I had some "discomfort" once the numbness wore off.  It really didn't bother me that day, but the next day it did.  I took some of the pain medication and laid down to take a nap.  I woke up in the middle of my nap with a surreal and blissful realization:

For the first time in months, I had absolutely zero jaw pain.

It was one of those strange moments of clarity that come along sometimes out of the blue (and usually not when you are on pain medication) (or wait, maybe they come along more frequently when you are on pain medication?  I get confused).  I didn't realize how much I had been hurting and how much I had adjusted to the pain until the pain was gone.

Alas, the dreamy respite wore off and here I am again, living with the perpetual pain.

I first started having TMJ (actually more technically TMD) pain on and off when I was in college.  My first severe flare-up came during the week I administered final exams at the end of my first semester of teaching.  In the past, however, they were exactly that - flare-ups.  It almost always happened when I was stressed and when the stressful event was over, the pain went away.

I honestly can't remember when the chronic pain set in.  Maybe it's been six months?  A year?  Longer?

That brief moment of relief has inspired me to dig a little deeper to see if there is anything I can do to treat this pain rather than just living with it.  I've taken (much) ibuprofen, tried moist heat, haven't chewed gum in years, use a mouth guard at night . . . I'm out of ideas.

Anyone out there have some suggestions for me?  I'll try anything at this point.  Seriously.  Anything.

Help?

On The Multiplying Community (Radical, Chapter Five)

No, you haven't missed anything.  I shared my thoughts on Radical, Chapter One, and then in true form completely ducked out of the conversations on Chapters Two, Three, and Four.  Regular readers are unsurprised by my inconsistency.  To everyone else, I offer abundant apologies while asking for a measure of grace.

So.

Chapter Five - The Multiplying Community: How All of Us Join Together to Fulfill God's Purpose

Y'all, I am not even kidding when I say this is my favorite chapter in this entire book.  David Platt is gifted with building tension and momentum, and in the first four chapters of Radical, he challenges us to examine ourselves, examine our church, and examine our world.  Just when you feel like you just want to shut the book, shut down, and shut up, here comes Chapter Five.

In this chapter, Platt confirms what I have long felt about discipleship and direction in the western Church - that we fully understand the command of The Great Commission, but we are fully ignorant on how to live that out.

"We have seen that God blesses us so that his glory might be made known in all nations.  But an all-important question remains.  How do we make God's glory known in all nations?  If God has given us his grace so that we might take his gospel to the ends of the earth, then how do we do that?  Do we walk out into the streets and just start proclaiming the glory of God somehow?  Should we all go to the other nations?  If we go, what do we do when we get there?  What does all of this look like in our day-to-day lives?"

Yep.  I'd say he gets the tension.

If I shared with you each and every sentence that leaped off the page at me from this chapter, I would absolutely be infringing upon copyright.  All I know to say is this: David Platt - a preacher of a large Southern Baptist Church in the American South - he gets it.  He understands that we have built ourselves into church buildings - literally painted ourselves into corners - where we have spent the vast majority of our time, money, and energy on fixing our own little spiritual quirks and soaking up all that is Good For Me in the Good News.

We've invested so much in getting others to come to us that we have absolutely no idea about how to go to them.

And throughout this chapter, he breaks down The Great Commission into very manageable, understandable, accessible ways of going.  How do you go?  Why do you baptize?  How do you make disciples?

If you have been avoiding this book or you've gotten it but have grown weary with it, can I encourage you to pick it up and skip to chapter five?  It is incredible encouragement.  Then go back and read from the start.  *grin*

I'm closing comments on this but you can find much more on this chapter from Marla and those who are linking up to the read-along at her place.  Lots and lots of good discussion going on in the life of the Church these days.

 

Top Ten Reasons I Love Babywearing

(Dacey at 11 months in a simple piece of cloth sling)

International Babywearing Week wraps up tomorrow, so I want to take a moment to share with you my Top Ten - why I LOVE babywearing:

1) Babywearing provides safety in infancy.  When I wore each of my girls when they were wee littles, I so appreciated having them so close to me, especially when we were out in public.  Babywearing allows baby to be close to a parent or care giver and shielded from adoring strangers who are eager to touch and share germies with the irresistible babies they encounter. 

Babywearing also encourages growth and maturity in baby's vestibular system, the system of the body that controls internal balance.  Additionally, babies who are worn have been shown to have more stable heart rates, more even breathing, and less crying time (which means more quiet alert time, which in turn provides more time for learning and maturing in life outside of the womb).

2. Babywearing provides security in infancy.  Babies spend nine months nestled in security in the womb.  There is much research that supports the idea that for at least the first three months after birth, babies crave a reconnection to that sense of security.  (See Dr. Harvey Karp's The Happiest Baby on the Block for more on the idea of "the fourth trimester.")  Snuggled close to a parent in a sling or carrier, babies find a welcome relief from the stimulation and unknown stimuli of the world they are experiencing.

3. Babywearing provides attachment in infancy.  The hormone oxytocin - the love hormone - is released during any close skin contact.  I think it's amazing that God saturates our earliest experiences with our new babies in situations that stimulate the release of oxytocin - from labor and birth to breastfeeding and bed sharing and babywearing. 

Babywearing allows parents to have that skin-to-skin connection while going about the daily tasks of life.  When I have worn my girls in slings and carriers, I've felt a connection to them that simply isn't there when they are in strollers or "bucket" car seats.  I especially noticed how pivotal babywearing was to attachment when Aliza Joy was born and I suddenly had a newborn and a toddler under my care.  I would put AJ in our Mei Tai Baby carrier and I could constantly be connected to her even while chasing after and loving on Dacey.

I also don't think it is a coincidence that my child who was worn from birth was signficicantly less fussy than my child who had to wait until she was five months old before her mother experienced the Attachment Enlightenment.

4. Babywearing provides safety in toddlerhood.  Discovering the Ergo Carrier was a revolutionary parenting moment for me.  With Dacey on my back, we navigated parking lots, grocery stores, farmers markets, festivals, shopping malls, just about any venue you can imagine, all without me giving a single second of thought or worry to my now-mobile child escaping from me or being trampled by an oblivious passer-by.  It is, unquestionably, the best best best parenting purchase we have ever made.

(I'm keen on Ergo, but there are other brands of soft-structured carriers that have their own followings as well!)

5.  Babywearing provides security in toddlerhood.  Once they get those little legs to working for them, toddlers set out for grand adventures in their brave new worlds.  This can be exhilarating, but for some it can also be unnerving and overwhelming as they explore the tension between adventure and familiarity.  Many little ones find comfort and security in being able to nestle in close to a parent in a sling or carrier. 

(In fact, it is during this stage that many babywearing parents begin to look for slings and carriers with maximum "popability" factors, as in, the ones that easiest to pop a toddler into and out of.)

6. Babywearing provides attachment in toddlerhood.  The thing I loved the most about wearing the girls in the Ergo on my back was the fact that our everyday tasks became shared experiences.  Whatever I was doing, they were right there with me, seeing the same things, hearing the same sounds, and enjoying the same process.  The toddler years are one long season of holding them close and letting them go.  Oh, how I treasured those moments of a little toddler head resting on my shoulder as we danced around the kitchen, doing dishes and preparing meals and sharing life together.

7. Babywearing - my favorite Cs. 

• Cute - okay, I am trying to minimize any focus on materialism and acquiring stuff here, but you just cannot deny the cuteness factor of many slings and carriers. 
• Comfortable - as a mother to a high-needs child, I found babywearing to be far superior to holding-in-arms when the clingy factor escalated.  A baby sling or carrier that is right for your body, fits you well, and is right for your child is able to distribute your child's weight in a way that makes wearing them so much more comfortable than carrying.
• Convenient - Listen, I am not in the anti-stroller camp.  Now that my girls are too big to wear, I can often be seen driving them around in this baby, but I hold to my opinion that baby carriers are so much more convenient in many situations.  A sling can often be rolled up and slipped in a purse or diaper bag and a carrier can be worn empty around the waist until needed.  There are places a stroller simply won't go (hiking trail, anyone?) and babywearing saves the day!

8. Babywearing allows me to feel connected to parents past.  Even though practicing babywearing seems to have come into vogue in our culture fairly recently, the art itself is ancient.  Parents have been wearing babies close to themselves for thousands of years.  When I was wearing one of my children, I felt an internal sense of peace and happiness that comes from tapping into a wisdom that nurtured babies long before the research confirmed the benefits of such a practice.

9. Babywearing allows me to feel connected to parents present.  When a new issue of Mothering arrives, the first thing I do is turn to the Letters section.  In those pages, I experience a connection to a community of parents that I don't get to engage with nearly enough on a face-to-face basis.  Likewise, when I see another parent wearing a baby in a sling or carrier, I can't help but to grin at a fellow tribe member.  I almost always take the time to stop and compliment or offer a positive comment, encouraging and affirming this nurturing choice.

10. Babywearing allows me to offer a model for future generations of parents.  It is not at all uncommon for the children of babywearing enthusiasts to have baby doll slings and carriers amongst their toy collections.  Each of my girls have created their own DIY slings for dolls and stuffed animals.  I feel a deep sense of contentment in knowing they will grow up with the knowledge that little ones like to be worn, and that wearing a baby close to you is not only completely normal, but it is also a practice of incredible joy.

So, let's hear from you!  Have worn any of your little ones?  What are some of your favorite reasons to love babywearing?

Recognize the pretty mama and gorgeous girlie above?  Photo by I Should Be Folding Laundry
Photo of Peruvian babywearer by quinet

 

 

Babywearers - Answer the Call to Action!

Does anyone remember back, oh, about two years ago when that Motrin ad about treating pain caused by the chic-trendy-trend babywearing caused a big ol' Twitter firestorm?  (I touched on it briefly here.)  I think if there was one thing we learned collectively in that moment, it was the power of a chorus of babywearing advocates.

Mamas and daddies, it's time to raise our voices again.

At stake this time is something far more threatening than a silly little Motrin ad. 

If you haven't already, take a moment to read through this note from The Babywearer on Facebook which explains how the Consumer Product Safety Commission is poised to push through a recall on a major brand of baby carrier in the coming days.  Becoming Mamas has also written about the CPSC's actions in this matter in this post titled "When the Watchdog Goes Awry: The CPSC's Misguided Assault on Slings."

Beginning on Monday, advocacy sites like The Babywearer and Baby Carrier Industry Alliance have encouraged parents to make their voices heard by contacting Congress with our concerns over the CPSC's actions in this case.  The great news is that as of this morning's report from The Babywearer, our collective advocacy is making an impact!  The legislators serving on the Consumer Protection, Product Safety, and Insurance Subcommittees in both houses are hearing and responding to our concerns.

According to the newest information from The Babywearer, here is what we can continue to do:

• CALL or WRITE your Senators and Representatives - ESPECIALLY if they are on the subcommittee overseeing the CPSC.  (Sample script and subcommittee members' names available in this post from Greek Momma.)
• Inspired by the squeaky wheel, follow-up your initial contact with your Congress person with another call or message.  (Have you ever called your Congress person before?  It's kind of fun and exhilarating.  Good Citizen Points abound!)
• TWEET!  International Babywearing Week starts today!  Can we make #babywearing a trending topic?  Oh, I bet we can.
• Share your story.  Blog it, Facebook it, post it at the BCIA.  Whatever you can do this week to advocate babywearing is a step toward ensuring that the parents who come after us will be able to engage in the ancient art of babywearing in this country in a way that is safe and protected.  (Can you even imagine a nation where slings are outlawed?  Turns my stomach.)

I've written on babywearing plenty of times before here at SortaCrunchy, and you can expect more from me on it later this week.  Happy International Babywearing Week!  Now go work those phones (and emails and Twitter and Facebook . . .)

(That would be me and AJ rockin' on our beloved Ergo two long, sweet years ago in the picture above)

 

ORPHAN SUNDAY - November 7, 2010

Last week, Kelly at Love Well made me aware of an upcoming event that I knew I had to share with each of you.

November 7, 2010, is Orphan Sunday - an event sponsored by Christian Alliance for Orphans.  The CAFO (find them here on Twitter) "unites orphan-serving organizations and churches to ignite passion and build excellence for Christ-honoring orphan care, foster youth and adoption ministry," and as Kelly shared with me, its member organizations include "Compassion International, World Vision, Show Hope, Bethany Christian Services, Desiring God, Focus on the Family, Buckner International – pretty much every Christian ministry that touches orphans."

Something we have been discussing here at SortaCrunchy lately is how to respond to the pull towards ministry, justice, and love that seems to be surging through the Body of Christ at this moment in time.

Getting involved in Orphan Sunday is one way you can share your heart for the ones Christ esteems and trusts us to care for.  On the Orphan Sunday website, you can find a ton of resources for how to get involved.  Here are just a few:

• Host an event in your home, your church, or your community.  The Hold Event page has several ideas ranging from Sunday School lesson ideas to campus film viewings to giving up a meal and donating the money saved to a ministry for orphan care (and lots of other ideas, too!).
• Make arrangements to get an Answer The Cry DVD (free!) and create an event around this 60 minute video which provides direction for Christians who want to make an impact on the lives of orphans.
• Also on the resources page, you'll find web buttons and banners, sermon inserts, book club discussion guides, videos to share on your blog and/or Facebook, just about anything you can imagine to support you in supporting Orphan Sunday.  

As Kelly pointed out to me, you aren't at all limited to utlizing the Orphan Sunday ideas and materials:

Do you really want to connect people to Compassion? Set up a sponsorship table in the lobby of your church November 7.  Want to tell your story of adoption? Ask your pastor if you can share your heart during the service that morning. Or maybe it would be a better fit with your small group. Or you could even plan a special evening for your family and friends.

Again, I just knew I had to share this with you all because it is so timely to our recent conversations.  This is a tangible way to share your heart for our mission to care for the least, the last, and the lost and "to defend the cause of the fatherless" (Isaiah 1:17).

In order to spread the word and help people plan, let's start today by sharing Orphan Sunday with those around us - make your church leadership aware, share the cause on Facebook, Twitter, your blog, your email address book, just however you feel led to make November 7, 2010, a day when the Body is united in conversation about orphan care.