SortaCrunchy

wise mama encouragement for breastfeeding a toddler

I so very rarely publish back-to-back re-runs, but this is life right now. I first ran this post two years ago when AJ was a 1.5 and still nursing. I've been feeling all nostalgic for those days lately, so it seems timely to re-publish this sage advice from one of my most dear mama mentors:

As I've shared in my SortaWhat? post, I practice child-led weaning.  Dacey weaned just after her second birthday, and at twenty months, Aliza Joy is still breastfeeding.  AJ is, in fact, a much more enthusiastic nursling than her big sister ever was as a toddler.  When Dacey was this age, she nursed only before nap and bedtime; she was never what you would call a comfort nurser. 

(She was however a total paci addict and didn't give up her paci completely until she was nearly three and a half.  Clearly the need to suck was still there, it just manifested itself in a different way.) 

AJ is very much a comfort nurser.  She wants to nurse before nap and bed, when she is hungry, when she is thirsty, when she is hurt, and a lot of the time I think when she is just bored.  Lately this has become quite physically and emotionally exhausting for me, and I've been seriously considering initiating the weaning process with her.

I asked some friends for advice, and my mothering mentor Karen (wise and gentle mama of seven) offered me some helpful insight.  I wanted to share parts of her response with you:

Gatsby in the springtime

Because Spring is almost over, and I'm ashamed to say that I haven't made time to revisit him
Because he fills up my heart with affection born in gorgeous writing
Because Mason is asking for reading recommendations for the summer and he apparently has not read Gatsby and this just cannot be

I'm re-running my ode to Gatsby today. Thanks for humoring me.

 

photo by emdot

In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me a piece of advice I've been turning over in my mind ever since.

Each April that found me in front of a classroom full of high school juniors, I began my introductory lecture on The Great Gatsby by reciting that first line of the novel.  That wasn't the real hook, of course. 

processing

from the pages of Common Prayer; perfectly-appointed hymn to accompany this morning's reading

How could I ever possibly find words to thank you for your loving, gracious response to the tornado post? Writing that was one of those increasingly rare happenings where I just sat down and opened a vein. Thank you for your words of concern and your prayer for our community.

it's what we do

photo taken by my neighbor Gabby one block west of us. that big tree left-center is the mulberry that hangs over our driveway

I was six years old when I was initiated into the Fraternal Order of Tornado Hiding. I remember being pulled across the street to our neighbor's storm cellar, the wind whipping my cotton nightgown around my legs. I remember how the walls of the cellar were lined with glass jars of canned vegetables, spoils of war collected by this elderly couple whose victory over the backyard garden was legendary. I remember the sirens going off and tinny voices on the radio in the cellar and my baby sister slept through it all.

Growing up in Oklahoma sometimes shaves the edge off tornado-fear. I've crouched in school hallways during tornado drills, and when it was not a drill, I've hidden in cellars, National Guard armories, bathtubs, and dormitory ground floors. On our wedding night, Kyle and I watched a tornado drop from the sky as we sped through Oklahoma City to our hotel. For some of us, there's a saturation point after which eye-rolling and shoulder-shrugging replace quickened pulses and worried brows.

creating summer: a manifesto

"The most important, and perhaps most obvious, in creating your children's creative lives is to model a creative life yourself."  -- Amanda Blake Soule, The Creative Family

All too often, I dwell only on the frustrating aspects of my temperament. But there is something wonderful and helpful and useful in the way I have been created, and that is a natural ease for synthesis. And so when light and life and muse and spirit all give voice to the same theme, I hear it played symphonically in my mind.

I heard the first notes when I had to return to my well-worn copy of the The Creative Family to recall something our beloved Soule Mama had written on using "the good stuff" with our children. As I flipped through its pages, I remembered how when I first read her words three years ago, a melody of Rightness began to play in my heart. I somehow had forgotten that little song, but now I find myself humming along again.

And then my friend Katie sent me this article which speaks with authority on the creative life and discipline and the imperative to "Choose a time to make work and hold that time inviolate" and a harmony begins to take shape.

And my friend Allison reminds me that Six loves a schedule. And I'm no Schedule Mama, but I love my Six, and I can serve her simply in this way. These provide the bass notes because some order to the day creates a base to give firm footing so that we are free to create.

And Pinterest - yes, Pinterest! - keeps showing up in my life, whistling playfully of possibility, and it is grace how it chirps in my ear.

And as the music swells, some words take shape. And I take the risk to lay it out before you as we wake up this morning to our First Day of Summer Break. A manifesto forms for the days ahead:

1. From May to August, our summer season, our family will create.

2. I will hold inviolate a time to make work myself at the start of each day.

3. Our days will have a rhythm and routine, and no matter what the day's plan may be, the girls and I will create something every day.

That's it. It's simple on purpose because I am terrified that I won't be able to live up to even these three things. Equal to the fear is an intense need to grab a hold of these summer days and wring the life out of them.

I'll be fleshing out what this looks like in the coming days and weeks, and I'll be completely transparent in offering up both good and bad. I think I know now that what I needed space for is this - a sunny rebirth to a life of creation and discipline and work and meaning and joy.

 

Pinterest: A Beginner's Guide

So what is all of this about? What is Pinterest?

Last month, I shared with you that I am absolutely loving Pinterest. I've been thrilled to discover that more and more of my friends are signing up, and now that I've been using it for a few months, I thought it might be helpful to share what I've learned in an effort to make get started on it a little less daunting.

There is a lot to cover, so let's just get started:

1) What is Pinterest?

You can read from Pinterest's About page that they describe it as

a virtual pinboard — a place where you can create collections of things you love and "follow" collections created by people with great taste.
People use Pinterest to collect and share all sorts of things -- wedding inspiration, favorite T-shirts, DJ equipment. You name it, people are pinning it.

Yeah, that pretty well sums it up.

2) How do I get a Pinterest invitation?

Leave a comment on this post and I will send you a Pinterest invite!

3) How do I get started on Pinterest? How do I set up my Pinterest page?

So, once you've gotten your invite, the first thing you'll do is set up your profile page.

As you can see, your profile will show whatever you choose for your display name, a profile picture, a bio/description if you so choose (and I think you should), and how many followers you have as well as how many you are following.

When you open a new Pinterest account, you will be given these five templates for boards:

You can keep these five boards to get started, but you certainly don't have to. You'll notice in the screenshot from my profile above that below each of my boards there is an "edit" bar. Click on this and you can name/rename a board, write a description for that board, choose a category (required by Pinterest), determine if you are the only one who can pin or if it's a shared board, or just delete the board altogether. Be sure to click on Save Board Settings when you are done!

 At the top of your profile page, in the right-hand part of the screen, you'll see various drop-down menus to help you navigate your own settings and boards as well as discover others on Pinterest. That's all pretty self-explanatory:

Click on Rearrange to arrange in which order you boards appear on your profile page.

4) How do I navigate Pinterest?

Great question! This is perhaps the most overwhelming part when you first begin.

If you are logged into Pinterest, you can hit the Pinterest icon in the top left-hand corner of your screen to go to your Pinterest home.  Just like going to your home page in Facebook or Twitter, this will show you your feed. Here you will see all of the recent pins of the people you follow.

Bear in mind that everyone who follows you will see everything that you pin in their feed.

From your home page (not profile - your Pinterest home), you will see a link to Discussions. This will show you what is hot on Pinterest at the moment based on comments and repins.

Next to that is the link to Everything. This brings up the feed for, well, everything.  The most recent pins from everyone on Pinterest are featured in this feed.

Finally, there is the Gift feed which features pins tagged with prices grouped conveniently into price ranges. 

*** At this point, I want to say that my #1 Tip for getting started on Pinterest is this: before you set up your first board and before you pin a single thing, click on the Everything feed and just spend some time looking. This will help you to see what kinds of things people are pinning, what kinds of boards others have created, and just give you a general feel for what Pinterest is about. I did not do this when I first started, and I wish someone had told me to do that first. ***

5) How do I pin something to Pinterest?

As explained by the good folks at Pinterest, use the Pin This bookmarklet. NOTE: I've gotten lots of feedback from IE users that it's difficult to use the Pin This bookmark in Explorer. As a long-time Firefox user, I don't have any good solutions for you.  Just know if you have problems in IE, you aren't the only one!

6) What should I pin on Pinterest?

Ah, good question. I am so glad you asked.

While technically these are your pinboards and you can pin anything you want, I want to encourage you to lean heavily on the interest part of Pinterest. For example, Pinterest lets you start off with a Products I Love board. Well, maybe you really love Starbucks Sumatra. (what's not to love?)  You could pin a picture of a bag of Starbucks Sumatra to the Products I Love board, but you can also grab a bag of it off the shelf at your local big mart. Starbucks Sumatra, while delicious, is not all that interesting.

What might be a better pin?  Oh, how about sharing your love for the unspeakably, incomprehensibly amazing coffee that can only be found at Ruta Maya coffee in Austin? That is interesting.

While you are it, challenge yourself to make your boards themselves interesting. Some of my favorite boards are Rachel's From Texas board, the tiny twig's good writing board, and Nish's Inked board. Don't be afraid to get as specific as possible with your boards, and it never hurts to be original with board titles.

Think of your Pinterest boards as if they were actual 3D inspiration boards. What is it that is beautiful to you? What do you dream of having, seeing, doing, hearing, reading, wearing? What is that you want to remember and come back to? Pinterest is all the best about inspiration bulletin boards combined with all the best of social bookmarking. Let that premise guide you as you pin.

7) Who should I follow on Pinterest? How do I unfollow a board on Pinterest?

When you begin, Pinterest will help you find friends on Pinterest using your email, Twitter, or Facebook. That's a great place to start. Pinterest will then make suggestions for you and display those suggestions on your home page. Pinterest has also compiled some nifty Tastemaker lists which are also a fantastic place to find great people to follow (check out the upper right hand corner of the page and find the People drop-down menu; you'll find the Tastemakers lists there).

You have the choice to follow all of someone's boards or follow individual boards they have created. If you follow all, that means that you will follow every board they have at present and all future boards they will create.

Unfollowing a board is super simple. For example, quite a few people have boards related to celebrities. That's not really my bag, so if someone I follow has pinned quite a few things to their celebrity board, I just click on that board from my feed, click the Unfollow button from the top right-hand corner of that board, and voila. Gone from my feed.

8. How do I practice good Pinterest etiquette? Is it okay to pin my own materials (writing, products, etc) to my Pinterest boards?

Absolutely! You can pin something you have blogged or that you carry in your shop (in fact, Pinterest now has a Pin It! button you can use for blog posts or product pages).

You can even create something specifically for the purpose of pinning. I was inspired by this quote from The War of Art, so I whipped this up in PSE for the sole purpose of pinning it:

Depending on your blogging niche, Pinterest could be a fantastic way to share your work and boost your traffic. Fashion, food, crafts/handmade, art, photography, and home bloggers might find Pinterest to be particularly important.

MISCELLANEOUS PINTEREST TIPS

* For every pin, there is a space for a description. I'm more prone to short commentary like, "LOVE" or "want this" or "oh yeah, totally." But you can also provide a full description of the pin or a brief explanation of why you are pinning it (like "this would be perfect for Dacey's Hello Kitty birthday party"). Note that when repinning, the description from the person who pinned it before you appears in that space by default.

* Choose to receive email notifications from your Preferences. This will alert you to new followers, new repins, @ mentions, and likes.

* "Like" is a wonderful and helpful feature on Pinterest. If you come across something that you like but don't necessarily want/need to pin, you can simply Like it. This won't show up in the feed of those who follow you, but you can click on Likes from your profile to see a list of everything you have Liked on Pinterest.

* To tag another Pinterest user when you pin something, use @ just like on Twitter or Facebook.

* Pinterest now has an iPhone app! YAY! I have it and find it to be useful for skimming my feed when I have some downtime or on the rare occasion that I want to snap a pic and pin-on-the-go.

(Like this little guy from AJ's bag of animal crackers who HAD to go on my OWLS OWLS OWLS OWLS board)

So, why should I be on Pinterest?

Is this just another pretty float in an never-ending parade of time-sinks?

I don't think so. Not at all.

As with all good things, it's a good idea to set up some boundaries if you are prone to the time-sinkage. I like to sit down with a cup of coffee right after lunch to really dig into Pinterest for a half an hour or so, and I'll often set the tiny timer to help me keep track of time. You'll find ways to manage time there.

I would love for all of my friends to be on Pinterest because

Beauty - lots of it, everywhere. So inspiring.
Funny - people are endlessly clever.
Practical - projects, recipes (I found a queso blanco dip on Pinterest that is nothing short of divine), home solutions, wardrobe inspiration - Pinterest is nothing if not useful!
Connections - so fun to see what other people are pinning, and you may find, as I have, that you have more in common with someone than you could have ever imagined, and how would have known until you both found yourself swooning over the same vintage sheet cloud mobile?! (hi, Erin!)

Thanks for letting me share what I've learned and loved about Pinterest. Hope to see you there soon!

Want even more Pinterest tips? Click here to read more Pinterest tips, tricks, & FAQs!

Pinterest users - what would add to this beginner's guide?
Anyone want an invite? Let me know in comments below!

SortaCrunchy Recommends: Visionary Mom's Make A Plan Workshop

I think there's something about speaking out loud about that what you are struggling with that invites answers into your life.

Less than a week ago, I opened up about my need for space and lack of direction and wondering what I was doing here. Two incredible resources have come my way since then, and I am thrilled to share the first of these two with you today.

Many of you may know Lisa Work of Visionary Mom. As her tagline says, Visionary Mom is a place of celebrating the idea that "motherhood + big time dreaming = YOU being awesome!" To that end, she has created workshops, classes, personal/life coaching, retreats, and many other services to inspire moms to actively pursue our dreams, even (and especially!) from the day-to-day trenches of motherhood.  (You can read more about what Visionary Mom is about here.)

Lisa has just released a new workshop and this one is set-up DIY style: the Make A Plan workshop!

Because she knows that all of us have a dream we would like to pursue, and because she knows how easy it is for mamas to either shelve their dreams for That Great Someday or just give up on our dreams altogether, she knows what we all need is a tangible way to reach and grab those dreams from the billowy clouds and stake them into the ground where they can take root and flourish.

This is what the Make A Plan workshop is about. She generously provided me with a pass to the workshop to check it out, and I love what I am finding there. The basis for the workshop is a 42 page workbook that is friendly, approachable, and consistent in providing practical direction for pursuing your dream. The worksheets lead you to pin down your dream and translate that into a working vision. They also deal with the nitty-gritty of creating measurable goals, dealing with procrastination and resistance, making space (love!) and time for doing the work of pursuing a dream, and keeping up the momentum to the finish.

Additionally, Lisa has created ten videos that are all ten minutes or less to offer inspiration and motivation as you work through the workbook.  AND included in the workshop are email reminders to help you stay the course as well as unlimited email support from Lisa herself!

As I shared last week, I've been feeling in so many ways that I haven't kept up with the growth in my life in the past few years and this has left me blinking with questions about my purpose while carrying around the weight of direction-less living. Truly, this workshop is turning up new ground for me, and I feel so re-energized already!

Lisa's heart is for mothers everywhere and not only did she offer me a pass to the workshop, she wants to give a pass to a SortaCrunchy reader as well! I have held off on completing the workshop because I would love to work through these pages together with one of my readers.

To enter to win access to the Make A Plan workshop, simply leave a comment answering this question: What do you dream of doing with your life?

 

BONUS ENTRIES - LEAVE ONE COMMENT PER BONUS ENTRY or they don't count!

1) Like Visionary Mom on Facebook
2) Link to this workshop review and giveaway on Facebook
3) Tweet about this workshop review and giveaway. Sample tweet: For moms who have a dream and need a plan, the MAP workshop from @Lisa_Work looks great! (via @SortaCrunchy): http://bit.ly/llHa5x
4) Share on other social networking service of your choice (just tell me which one)

Giveaway open to anyone, anywhere! Giveaway closes and winner will be announced here Tuesday, May 24th. Best wishes!

Tips and Tricks for Gardening with Kids

All four of us are thrilled to be "co-gardening" with friends of ours this year - the girls are particularly over the moon. Over at Simple Organic today, I'm sharing some tips and tricks for gardening with kids. Meet me in the comments to share your best tips over there!

A Gentle Parent's Survival Guide to Six

Dacey has never been a "textbook child." In fact, from the moment she arrived (ten days late) (do I bring that up too often? It's just that she was . . . ten. days. late), she has pretty much laughed in the face of The Textbook. 

The Textbook says that Six can be a challenging age, but as we move into Six and a Half with Dacey, I have to say that so far, so good. However, summer break is upon us and we shall see how having her home again all day, everyday plays out.

It's because of that impending change in our lives that I asked a mama mentor of mine if I could share her thoughts on parenting Six. Allison is a mama of four children who are now all teens and tweens. I find so much soul-fellowship in hearing what mamas in our season (early childhood) are doing, but there is also something so precious to me about hearing advice from mamas who have been there recently but have moved forward to a new stage of life.

Allison regularly shares incredible nuggets of wisdom at Gentle Christian Mamas. This advice on Six was published there, and she has graciously given permission for me to publish it at SortaCrunchy.

And so, I'm happy to present for you (but yeah, mostly for me):

A Gentle Parent's Survival Guide to Six

Six is not an age of equilibrium. In fact, it is EXACTLY the opposite of equilibrium. Here's my advice for parents of six year olds.

First, some validation: Parenting a six year old is challenging on the bad days and on the good days. I feel your pain. Six has been hard with all four of mine and mostly because it took me so long to figure it out.

1) Have you looked in his mouth? Is he getting six year molars? The constant irritation of teething pain during an 'out of balance' age like Six is enough to put even a compliant child crossways with the world.

2) Six really likes a schedule. A really tight schedule, actually, which is why a child will behave so much better at camp/church/school than they do in their own house, unless they have a "schedule mom." They really need to know what to expect ahead of time. They like to be able to see the rhythm of their day ahead of time. Six often asks "What are we doing tomorrow" before bed each night.

3) Six thrives with limited choices because in a six year old brain, the chaos of too many choices causes them to majorly flip into disequilibrium.

For example, taking a six year old into a toy store to look at toys is a recipe for disaster. In that situation I would pull up online three toys I know that the child would like and let them choose which one to use their gift card on that way.

Sometimes, even choosing a snack at the grocery store poses too many choices. Times like this, rather than presenting them with the whole rack of choices, saying "Would you like fruit leather or Peanut butter crackers for your treat" is a better way to go. Now sometimes, they'll say, "I want pudding" or whatever, and that's fine, because it's a time to teach them to negotiate (though you might regret that later). It's fine because at least they've given you a concrete answer rather than melting down.

4) Try to ignore tone and go with the words. Six year olds do outgrow their snarky ways with lots of "do overs" and lots of scripting and playful parenting when possible.

Here's an example of a playful parenting script with a six year old:

child: "I WANT PRETZELS"
Mom: "Most honored mother of mine, I love you so much, you are the most amazing beautiful perfect mother ever. May I please have some of your most delicious pretzels?"

***pause***  look at child ***everyone bursts into laughter***

child: "May I have some pretzels"
Mom: "Ah, see, now that's better. Yes, you may."

5) Six year old drama can be your friend if you can reflect it with humor. Six loves a joke, as long as they don't feel made fun of. Joke books are a really great thing. They love them.

Six has such passion, but it's just often misdirected, and they have a drive to be "Right."

Sometimes you just have to say, "Wow, that was a lot of drama. You may go hang out in another room/away from me, until you're ready to speak respectfully to ask for what you want or need."

7) Six is known to say "I hate you" - trying on words of power. The best reaction is very little reaction. Usually, my response to that is to say, "I love you enough for both of us today." Then at a neutral time, we talk about what Jesus says about hate.

8) Six year olds need MAJOR time for gross motor play. I'm talking a minimum of three hours daily. Their brains are growing at such a rapid fire pace, and they need to be able to work it out physically to balance what's going on inside.

You can do this. For what it's worth, it gets easier with experience, so the first one is the hardest one. You know how when you're doing a repetitive project, the first one takes about three times as long to get the knack of it than the rest? Six year olds are a bit like that.

* * * * *
Note from Megan: This has given me lots to think about because I am so not a "schedule mom."

I would love to hear from you - has anyone else experienced Six as a difficult age?  What have been the most helpful ways for you to gently parent a child through this stage?

various and sundry on a sunday

My heart is full of hope and affirmation. Your comments on Friday's post have reached down into parts of me that I didn't even know where hardening in drought. I feel revived. You all are the best.

You know what else is full? My browser! Full to the point of crashing, I have so many tabs open. I think today would be a great day to release some of those to you.

Shall I number? I feel weird making a list without numbers.

1. Of utmost priority for me to share with you, over at Red and Honey, Beth has graciously interviewed me. If you haven't already, stop over there and check it out, particularly if you are a new-ish reader as there are some background-type things about the history of SortaCrunchy and other things you might enjoy. Beth is a lovely and dear long-time reader and friend, and I loved the questions she came up with for me.

2. You'll note that the picture above is distinctly Instagram. This means that, yes, I've finally given up my long time resistance and gotten an iPhone. (Kyle handed down his 3GS to me when he got a 4.)

Let me ask you, other iPhoners, what are your favorite apps and uses for your phone? One of the reasons I resisted it for so long is that I do not want it to become a time-sink or a major distraction in my life. But, I would like for it be, you know, handy. What apps do you love for yourself, your family life, and your children?

PS - the Instagram shot is from a lunch date with AJ earlier this week. She wore a little Laura Ashley dress that I scored at the last JBF sale (love JBF!), and we had sandwiches and lemonade at the "fancy cafe" while the skies poured down rain. Favorite moment of the week, hands-down.

3. My friend Erin just announced her pregnancy with bebe #2, and in honor of her, I asked SortaCrunchy Facebook fans for current cloth diaper favorites. You can read the feedback over there and chime in with your own recommendation!

4. Tsh, creator and owner of Simple Living Media and my editor at Simple Mom, is measuring interest on creating a Blogging 101 webinar in which she teaches how to how to balance motherhood and home management with running a successful, monetized blog. Does this sound like something you would dig? If so, go read a little more and fill out a form for Tsh so she can determine if this is something she should offer for the community.

5. Y'all know Amber Robinson - author of Mercy Rising who wrote this incredible guest post on Kingdom Justice. Well, next month, her husband Aaron is releasing a CD called Mysteries of the Kingdom which contains tracks specifically written about justice in hopes of educating and inspiring kingdom work. Why don't you head over and like his page on Facebook so you can keep track of all the incredible things happening with this album?

Filing under simple, beautiful, and helpful:

• Perfect iced coffee how-to from Amy at New Nostalgia
• My Frugal Beauty Routine courtesy of Stephanie at Keeper of the Home
• Toddler Activity Book at Tip Junkie

Coming up later this month, I'll be sharing new projects (two of which will definitely help both me and you in making space) from Visionary Mom and Mandi Ehman.  Happy mid-May-ing!