Here's the thing. I've moved into this place of being either HYPER HYPER laser-focused obsessed with something or swinging to the other extreme of just eh. don't currrrr.
For example, earlier this week it dawned on me that I probably need to go ahead and pack a bag for the hospital. Still no signs of cervical progression or anything, but we are now in that hard-to-pin-down time of anything could happen at any time. So, I hadn't given a hospital bag a single thought until, like, last Sunday.
And then all of the sudden, I was consumed with what to pack. I had to go IMMEDIATELY and buy new postpartum acceptable underwear. I obsessed over which postpartum cloth pads to order (and so many of you helped point me in the right direction on Facebook) (also, disposable pads are not an option for me. CANNOT STAND THEM), and whether or not to do disposable breast pads or cloth. (For whatever it's worth, I've never found a solution in the past that I've been happy using.) I've deliberated buying a belly binder or waiting to see if I'll be provided one at the hospital.
Don't even get me started on whether or not to do sweet going home outfits or just relying on trusty newborn gowns. The HOURS I've spent browsing online and trying to decide what to do. (As the reality of everything x2 is going to be not-cheap. Ever.)
On the other hand, I don't think I made my bed once this week, which is so not like me. I've given up on sweeping the floors, realizing that no one ever died from walking on dusty old planks of wood. Probably. I start a project and then just end up sitting and staring into space for a long time before giving up.
So yes. The belly shot was as complete afterthought this week, taken on a day I just happened to be headed out of the house for a doctor's appointment. Once again, however, I am thankful to have decided at the beginning to document this pregnancy because otherwise there is no way on earth I would still be allowing pictures of myself at this point.
The strangers starting at me in public thing has started. I realized on some level that would probably happen. I was just unprepared for how uncomfortable and insecure it would make me. It's unnerving, really, and it has given me an extra dose of empathy for those who have the slightest bit of Different about them and what they must go through every day.
Two appointments with the doctors this week. Just the standard check-up with my OB. She didn't say how big I'm measuring this week, and I didn't ask. After a while, big is just BIG.
We also did our ultrasound and appointment with one of the MFMs. According to ultrasound (which, yes, can be highly inaccurate), Baby A weighs about 4 1/2 pounds and Baby B weighs 6 pounds. That plus placenta plus fluid ... Oh, y'all. I am a tired mama.
Nothing had changed in their growth trajectories but the growth discordance hasn't changed either. So it's mostly good news - both are growing, no concerns about growth restriction for Baby A yet. There are still concerns about B's fluid levels and Monster Baby Size, so we are now on weekly ultrasounds to monitor them (probably from here on out unless something significant changes).
I've got a whole laundry list of physical complaints, but I'm just going to keep those to myself for now. It's pretty amazing to be here at 33 weeks. Y'all be thankful I don't write these updates in the middle of the night because that is when gratitude pretty much tanks and all I'm left muttering "I don't want to do this anymore. I can't do this anymore." But then I manage a little sleep and the morning makes it feel manageable again.
If you have any advice/suggestions/feedback on my hospital bag dilemmas, feel free to speak up! I always treasure all that you share with me each week!