When I saw the photos loaded on my computer screen, my heart sank. (Well, actually when I saw this shot of John Kyle looking down my shirt, I laughed out loud first, then my heart sank.)
This is so not how I pictured myself a year after the twins were born: still wearing maternity clothes, still carrying many extra pounds. In fact, after the initial baby weight drop, I plateaued and then actually gained ten pounds. Depression, anxiety, grief, and stress. My body in its current state is a direct reflection of the past year.
A few weeks ago, I resolved to turn things around as much as I can. I've started eating much better than I was (I cannot even tell you how crappily I had been eating), and I'm making slow but steady strides toward consistent exercise.
But I had a closet-meltdown this morning (am I the only one who has those?) because I just don't know what to do in the meantime. The temperature is soaring into the sixties here in OKC this weekend, and it was a solid reminder that I can't hide in workout pants and sweatshirts much longer.
Not only cannot I not fit into anything hanging in my closet, I finally admitted to myself this morning that I don't actually even like any of those clothes anymore. All of these outfit posts? I hardly recognize the part of me who would wear those things. I don't know if it is the season of chasing two busy little ones or the downhill slide to forty or what, but nothing in my closet feels like it is anything close to relevant to my life now. I mean, not that I can wear any of it anyway.
So this is my clothing crisis (first-world problem, I know. don't worry, I've already shamed myself appropriately):
what do I wear now?
I hate the idea of buying clothes this size. Hate, hate, hate. I'm contemplating making myself make do with the few skirts and t-shirts I do have that fit at the moment. But part of me wonders if buying a few things that would maybe help me to feel a little better about the current state of reality if that might help me stay motivated toward working back to a Me that I can feel good about.
I don't know.
How do you dress yourself when your current self is not your favorite?