Remember not too long ago when I wrote about my love for LOST? And about the LOST re-watch podcast that I loved so much? I've been growling and grumbling in the general direction of the hosts of that show because they haven't posted a new episode in over a month. A MONTH. I keep checking their Twitter accounts, hoping for some kind of update or SOMETHING. But nothing. They just ... stopped. And it makes me grouchy.
Welcome to my glass house. Please don't trip on the pile of stones I've made here.
So, at the beginning of October, I had every blessed intention of posting every day. I have pondered this series in my heart for so long and I have been so passionate about kids and teachers and schools and I TRULY felt like this was a project God had pressed on my heart to do.
A few days in, though, I felt my energy start to drain out of me. And I know I should have stopped there, I should have been honest with myself and with you right at that moment that something was off. But I decided I would power through. After all, last spring, I blogged every day of Lent. What's thirty-one days? I could do it.
Except, I couldn't.
For a myriad of reasons, I lost my words in October. Blame it on busy home life (the girls were home for two weeks of Fall Break), blame on the dastardly retrograding Mercury, blame it on sleep deprivation and many consecutive nights up with a coughing toddler. I don't know. All of that? Everything? More? I just couldn't put words together to form sentences, and that REALLY sent me spiraling.
When people have given you affirmation for the way you use words since you were ten years old and then you LOSE your words, you go to some dark places, wondering just what it is you have to offer anyone if you don't have words.
And I should have opened my laptop and I should have written this post weeks ago and I should have apologized and I should know it's probably a way bigger deal to me than it is to any of you and I should and I should and I should.
But I didn't, and I am sorry.
I still very, VERY much want to finish the project and offer it in a free PDF for anyone who would want it. That's my desire, anyway.
Things are shifting around here. Over the summer, Kyle left his job in the corporate world to start a private money management business, and we are incredibly grateful that business is great! But it has meant many, many days with him on the road and many, many hours of him working in his office here at home. I haven't solo-parented this much since back when he was coaching, and we have double the number of kids we had back then. The twins are finally growing into that stage of toddlerhood where they can do stuff, and they like to do stuff and I like to do stuff with them. The girls need me in their own ways, too. I think I have just gone into energy conservation mode to keep my head above the water (in the happiest, most grateful way).
So yes, things are shifting and I've given lots and lots of thought to what this new season of life will bring to us and what it will look like for me.