Megan Tietz :: SortaCrunchy

How To Survive Holiday Shopping When You Are Highly Sensitive (guest post from Doña Bumgarner)

photo credit: See-ming Lee 李思明 SML via photopin cc

 

Amazon sent me an email in October with the headline “The countdown to Black Friday.” I deleted it. I did not want to think about Black Friday before Halloween. I do not, actually, want to think about gift shopping at all. 

 

Last week I took my daughter to Toys’R’Us for a set of knee and elbow pads before we took her scooter to the park and just walking through the store left me with an elevated heart rate and a headache. At the end of every other aisle there was a video screen running a product demo on loop. Character-branded products spilled from shelves and were piled up in extra displays so we had to zig-zag around them. My 3-year old was their targeted audience and she succumbed completely. “Mama, what is this? Can we buy it? Please?”

 

My senses were totally overwhelmed. I felt assaulted. 

 

There are certain places I try to avoid all year - the perfume counter of a department store, anywhere extreme sports videos are blaring from TVs, and stores where food samples are being handed out. My senses are sensitive http://www.nurturedmama.net/5-secrets-of-an-introverted-mother/, and when they overwhelmed I shut down. It takes me hours to recover. I am a highly sensitive person (HSP) and shopping takes it out of me in the best of times. Holiday season is not the best of times.

 

I know I’m not the only person who experiences this!

 

So how do you handle gift shopping, or really any shopping, when the retail holiday engine starts rolling? Here are some tips to navigating holiday season shopping when you are a highly sensitive person:

photo credit: m01229 via photopin cc

 

Plan Ahead

Going into a store and trying to keep track of your mental shopping list with distractions buzzing all around you is a recipe for disaster.

 

Instead, set aside some time in a comfortable spot to make your shopping list. Group items by where you need to shop for them. You might also want to sketch out a budget, which will help you avoid those “Get me out of this store!” impulse buys. Bring your list with you on every outing.

 

Shop Online

As much as I prefer to support my local community, during the holiday season I turn to the internet. Look over your gift and think about what you can order online.

 

Be creative with this! You don’t have to shop only on Amazon. Your local stores may have an online shop presence, and would arrange for you to pick up your order instead of shipping it. Also, check out handmade shopping networks like Etsy for unique items. You can even use Etsy’s shop local filter to find makers right in your back yard. I found some great gifts this way last year!

 

photo credit: Doña Bumgarner

 

Make It Easier

Make any shopping you need to do as easy on yourself as possible:

 

• Arrange to shop without your kids.

• Shop during off hours - early on weekend mornings or mid-day during the week are usually good times.

• Only go to one or two stores in a day. 

• Ask store staff for help finding items so you can get done faster.

 

Think about all the variables that raise your anxiety and get as many of them under your control as possible.

 

This may take a little more time and planning, but will make you far less crazy in the long run.

 

Know Your Triggers

Some HSPs are sensitive to noise, others to smells, others to crowds. Some are all three, or more. Pay attention to what bothers you most and try to avoid the situations that will put you face to face with those triggers. 

 

If you feel your anxiety rising, be willing to walk away. Remember that gift-giving should be a joyful thing. If the process is making you less than joyful, back up and try something else (see below for some alternative gift ideas that don’t involve stores!). Or just come back later when you can control more of the variables. 

 

Set Boundaries

This is a method I use whenever I go into any store with my daughter, who is easily distracted (just like her mama). Before we even get out of the car, we talk about what we are going to buy and what behavior I expect from her, as well as what the consequences will be if her behavior goes out of control.

 

It is a method that is really well used on myself, too. If I’m going into a store for one thing, I remind myself of that before I go in. I give myself permission to walk out if I begin feeling overwhelmed and panicky. If I have a budget, I review it before I get in line to make sure that what’s in my basket is going to keep me within it. 

 

photo credit: Doña Bumgarner

 

 Avoid The Shopping

If the idea of shopping makes you want to cancel Christmas altogether, think about alternate ways to give gifts that feel better for you.

 

• Make gifts by hand. Making gifts is one of my favorite things about Christmas. But even if you are only a little crafty, there are things you can make. Check out my handmade gift Pinterest board for ideas. 

 

• Reduce your gift list. Gift overwhelm is a topic I cover in my annual class, 21 Days to a Peaceful Holiday  If holiday gift giving feels out of control in your life, consider reducing the number of people on your list. I especially love the Want-Need-Wear-Read guideline for large families.

 

• Consider alternate gifts. I recently found a old post on Life Your Way with great ideas for clutter-less gifts (which are also shopping-less gifts).  Think about what you have and others need. Can you give the gift of time to a friend who needs help with a big project? Maybe offer new parents a night off by offering to take care of their kids? Last year I made a pack of “coupon” slips for my guy, which included taking over bedtime when it wasn’t my turn, foot rubs, and special meal requests. Also look into charitable organizations like Heifer International, where you can make a donation in someone’s name, which can feel really good for both of you.

 

Holiday shopping doesn’t have to feel like running a marathon with wild animals chasing you (is that just me?). With a little attention and planning, you can lower the stress and even rekindle the joy of giving.

 

 

 

Doña Bumgarner is a sensitive mama to a sensitive 3-year old. She lives on the Central Coast of California with her partner and their collection of cats and chickens. She blogs about creative self care for mothers at Nurtured Mama. Join her for 21 Days to a Peaceful Holiday starting on December 1, where she will help you fill your holiday celebrations with intention, joy, and presence.

Childhood Cancer: What You Should Know and What You Can Do

September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. I asked my dear friend Vanessa to share with you some of what she has learned in her journey as a mother to a child who has battled against cancer. So often when it comes to something as devastating as childhood cancer, we feel ill-equipped to do anything. Vanessa is here to tell us what anyone can do:

No one ever thinks their baby will get cancer. My son, Brock, was only eleven months old whenever I consulted with Dr. Google about the "tiny red pinprick dots" on his arms and legs. A list of symptoms of leukemia popped up and Brock had all but one.

On October 5, 2010, we walked in to The Children's Hospital at OU Medical Center and the doctors told us he had Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia. He spent his first birthday in the hospital. And Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, and Valentine's Day. After 119 consecutive days, we finally got to go home. We managed to stay at home 5 days before he had to be admitted to the hospital again.


The good news was that he had leukemia - the most common, most curable type of childhood cancer. Leukemia has an 85% survival rate. The bad news was that during his first round of chemo he contracted a fungal infection that spread throughout his entire body. That particular type of fungal infection has a 10% survival rate. We lived in the intensive care unit for seven weeks.

We came home with a one year old who could no longer roll over, crawl, walk, talk, or eat food by mouth. For two years we administered iv anti-fungal medication at home. He's had thirteen surgeries. Three and a half years of chemotherapy. Five years of speech, physical, occupational, and feeding therapy. Over 120 blood transfusions.

It's so hard to put words to the 4 year long journey.





Sadly, I did not know ONE THING about childhood cancer before my son was diagnosed. I knew that adults usually get cancer of the lungs, breast, colon, or skin. I didn't know that kids usually get cancer in their white blood cells, nervous system, brain, or bones. There are twelve major types of childhood cancer. They can't be treated like adult cancers. They need their own set of drugs and treatment plans.

The St. Baldrick's Foundation raises money for childhood cancer research and their infographic summarizes things better (and prettier!) than I could.

Even if I had known about childhood cancer, I wouldn't have known of any way to help. Here are some ideas:

Research:

The St. Baldrick's Foundation - Almost 80% of the money they raise goes directly to research. Those are outstanding numbers for a non-profit. Last year I, along with nine of my friends whose kids have cancer, raised over $60,000 and shaved our heads for St. Baldrick's.

CureSearch - Not only does CureSearch fund research, they also provide resources and education for families, as well as help children get enrolled in clinical trials.

Patient Support:

Beads of Courage - They provide beads to kids going through cancer to symbolize everything they've been through. Kids get a bead for every night the spend in the hospital, every needle stick, every chemo, every surgery … Brock has over 1,000 beads.

If you'd like to give directly to the Beads of Courage program at the Children's Hospital in Oklahoma City you can e-mailbeadsofcourageokc@gmail.com for more information.

Chemo Duck - This is a stuffed animal that has a central line or port just like kids going through chemotherapy. Brock loved his chemo duck. It was really special for him (and his sister) to have this tool for pretend play.

Siblings:

Super Sibs: It's really, really hard to be the sibling of a kid with cancer. Super Sib provides support for these special siblings. My oldest daughter, Jaycie, loved getting mail, books, and special gifts from the Super Sibs organization. So much that she requested a Super Sib themed birthday party one year.

Hi, My Name is Jack: I bet Jaycie and I have read this book a hundred times. It does an excellent job of addressing some of the feelings that kids have when their brother or sister is sick. It would be really special to buy some of these and drop them off at the local children's hospital.

Brock is five now. He loves kindergarten, playing soccer, and wrestling with his sisters. He's been off chemo for a year and a half. He's considered in remission but he won't be "cured" until he makes it five years off treatment without relapsing. Childhood cancer sucks. A lot. But you can make a difference, even if you don't know someone dealing with childhood cancer right now.

PSA: No Shots, No School is Not True

source: National Vaccine Information Center

It has been over five years since I first shared the map to the National Vaccine Information Center's interactive map of state-by-state vaccine exemption policies. With school kids headed back to school, this is usually the time of year that some states launch the "no shots, no school!" public awareness campaign, so I thought it would be a good time to share this quick reminder.

Every single one of the fifty United States offers at least one option for vaccine exemption. In Mississippi and West Virginia, only medical exemptions are allowed. The other forty-eight states allow for medical as well as religious, and in some states, philosophical exemptions are also allowed. Though I can see the necessity of the "no shots, no school!" campaign from a public health prospective, I find it irritating because it is simply not true.

When you click on your state's link, you'll find all the information for exemptions that the NVIC has been able to collect for your state.

Both of my girls have been fully caught up on vaccinations now, but we did fill out a philosophical exemption when AJ started Pre-K at age 4 here in Oklahoma to allow us to spread out her remaining vaccines throughout that school year. The process was simple and no hassle at all. I started the twins on the standard schedule but they have not had any vaccinations since they were nine months old (they are eighteen months now). Our family history of vaccine injury continues to be the factor that has convinced me to wait until our children are older to receive their vaccinations.

I'm sharing this information with you in neither a pro- or anti-vaccine spirit. I believe the only poor health care choice is an uninformed one, and I also strongly believe in a parents' right and responsibility to make the best possible decision for their own children!

(vaccination photo via El Alvi on Flickr)