SortaCrunchy

Spirit-Led Parenting: Call for Stories

Today is a very big day. Hence the rice krispie treats. I made them just for you.

If you were sitting across from me and this pan o' heaven, I would be hoping the tasty treats would distract you from my inability to speak in full sentences. Eyes full of tears. Still can't believe this is happening.

Our book began with story. It began with my story and Laura's story and after we started speaking that story, your stories began to pour in. Throughout the past five years, I've received so many emails from friends and once-strangers, all of them trusting me with the story of that first year of parenting. As our book begins to take shape, it is essential that you know this:

Without story, this book won't happen.

And so now we come to you, asking you to partner with us in our message that the best parenting choice is the prayed-over and Spirit-led parenting choice. We are asking you to speak truth into the lives of readers. We are asking for your stories.

Today, we are sharing the first set of questions we need your help answering. Next Monday, there will be another set of questions. You have until October 10th to respond via email to us.

Are you ready? The questions and submission specifics are up at In The Backyard today as part of our blog post series on the book.

So, grab a cup of coffee to go with your (sadly imaginary) rice kripie treat and let's get to work!

Spirit-Led Parenting: What Our Book is NOT

This whole thing is quite terrifying, actually. Writing a parenting book, I mean. And for two people who share in common some painful experiences stemming from trying to follow the advice of parenting books, the idea of writing a parenting book is almost as nonsensical as it is daunting. And yet, the burden that God has placed on our hearts to share what He has done in our lives is clear - and carries us.

Each Monday at Laura's place, we are engaging in conversation about our book, Spirit-Led Parenting. Today, I'm sharing a few things to help answer some questions about the book by stating specifically what our book is NOT. Join me there?

The Big (VERY BIG) Announcement!

image courtesy of ADoseofShipBoy

On the surface, the story is quite familiar:

Two people.

Two people who love each other dearly.

Two people who share a passion, a vision, a dream.

Months of trying, months of dreaming, months of false starts and hopes up and hopes dashed.

Earnest enthusiasm gives way to quiet resignation.

Life and busy family and good things and bad things and all things and moving on.

But still, that feeling that we aren't quite done, that it's not all over ... it lingers.

See? It's all quite unremarkable and familiar to anyone who has lived out the compulsion to create.

But then, in the belief-defying way that only God can orchestrate, in the span of a mere few days, everything changes.

I was familiar with Kathy Escobar and her work from discussions at Rachel Held Evans' blog. I believe it was Jenn who mentioned that Kathy had published a book - Down We Go: Living Into the Wild Ways of Jesus - and immediately I knew this was a book that y'all would love. I emailed Kathy to ask for a review copy and she graciously had one in the mail to me the next day. (Review coming soon!)

Kathy mentioned to her editor that I would be reviewing Down We Go, and I received a warm email from him, thanking me for for joining them in spreading Kathy's (powerful, life-changing) message. And then? A question from him: What ever happened with your As He Leads Us project?

Approximately one million tummy butterflies and a Skype meeting and lots of giddy, can this be happening??? smiles later, it is with trembly hands that I am thrilled to tell you today that

WE HAVE A BOOK DEAL!

As most of you know, three years ago, my dear friend and heart-twin Laura and I began the process of writing a book. The heart of our message is encouraging Christian parents (specifically mamas) to leave behind the prescriptive, formulaic directions of most mainstream parenting advice books and find the freedom to follow hard after Christ in those bleary-eyed, sleep-deprived days of new motherhood. We want to offer to them we offer companionship and comfort in discovering they are not alone on the gentle path of servanthood-inspired parenting.

We will be partnering with the incredible team at Civitas Press to bring this message to life in print under the (working) title Spirit-Led Parenting, projected release early spring 2012.

I can't conclude this announcement without telling you something that just  makes me want to sit down and bawl over the way God works things together. I mean, all of this makes me want to sit down and bawl, but this one thing in particular just gets me every time. If you look around the Civitas website, you'll see that the theme that unites the material they publish is Inspiring and Redemptive Ideas. For those of you who have followed along with our story, you know that Laura and I struggled mightily in our first months of motherhood. The pain - I would even say anguish - we experienced is still very close to the surface for each of us. I've shared time and again that I would do anything to have those first months of Dacey's infancy back, that I have so many regrets, so many if-onlys.

But I've also written how I feel like in so many ways, God has written the word REDEEMED over that time in my life. After our first conversation with our editor at Civitas, I was on the phone with Laura, and together we just marveled at the fact that of all of the publishing options and opportunities out there, that we would partner with a publisher whose driving focus is redemptive ideas ... it's just. Well, I'm getting all choked up again just thinking about.

For Laura and I, there is a lot of work ahead of us. A lot. But there is a message that has been asking to be enfleshed for three years. And so, we surrender in obedience to the message and the work.

One more thing I absolutely must say is thank you. Thank you to all of you who have come alongside us since we began to write about this message and this project with words of encouragement and gratitude and agreement. We are laid low by your support, and none of this would be possible without you.

So much work ahead. But today, we celebrate!

Check out the new Spirit-Led Parenting page on Facebook!

The Spiritual Dimension of Nighttime Parenting

Revisiting a post from the As He Leads Us series today; originally published February 9. 2009:

Welcome back for more discussion about mothering our littlest ones!

Last week's discussion on our concerns about sleep training was insightful and thought-provoking.  I can't tell you how much I commend each of you who weighed in for sharing your feedback in a way that promotes dialogue rather than debate.  As a reminder, the purpose in our discussions here is to have some honest conversations about the challenges and victories of mothering in that first year of a baby's life - and ultimately to discover what lessons from the hand of God we can take away from that all-too-short season of mothering.

Laura and I want to reiterate that when it comes to the topic of nighttime parenting, we speak as those who know. Each of our oldest children were close to two before they slept completely through the night.  Each of us have toddlers right now who are not sleeping through the night.  We know of what we speak when we talk about the very real effects of not getting a good night's sleep for many, many, many nights on end.  We want you that we understand that there are mothers who are really hurting, really struggling, really searching for direction during an enormously difficult period of time.  What we offer today we do not offer flippantly or casually; this stems from a genuine and heart-deep desire to minister to other mothers with what God has allowed us to learn in the past four years.

The Long-Awaited Update on the As He Leads Us Project

Today, my dear friend and co-writer Laura and I are very excited to share an update on the As He Leads Us project!

Most of you know that a little over a year ago, we told you about a message that had come to mean a lot to both of us.  As two women who, as new moms, had struggled mightily with trying (and failing) to follow the mandates of popular Christian parenting approaches to the first year of childhood, we felt led to find a way to share our words of encouragement towards another way of looking at parenting with a wider audience.  At that time, we envisioned moving this message forward in the form of a book - a book that we dreamed of seeing on bookshelves alongside other new baby care books, something that new moms could pick up, thumb through, be encouraged by, and pass along to their friends.  

We prayerfully moved forward with our plans to see this material published as a book, but it wasn't too long before God began gently closing doors on that idea.  As is often the case with redirection, it took us some time to heal, recover, and regroup. (Can anyone relate?) But just as God was faithful to provide direction on where this path would lead, He was also faithful to continue to whisper encouragement to us to keep moving forward.  

A few months ago, Laura and I were chatting and thinking out loud about some possibilities.  She brought up the domain name that she had purchased for As He Leads Us last year and wondered if anything might be done with that.  From there, we began to dream big again, and that's what we want to share with you today:

Our vision for As He Leads Us has shifted from publishing a book to launching a website.  We are envisioning an interactive destination on the internet that would include the material we had begun to prepare for publication as well as the material we had published in the AHLU series here at SortaCrunchy.  Additionally, we will offer a discussion forum for those who have specific questions or who want to offer personal experience on what it looks like to live out a Christ-led, servanthood approach to parenting in the first year.

If there is one thing that I have learned in the past year, it's the power of community and collaboration.  (Laura has always been much better at being community-minded than I have been!)  It is our heart's desire to see the As He Leads Us website be rooted in community.  Because of this, today we want to make you aware of some ways you could support the As He Leads Us website:

• Our biggest and most immediate need is help with the technical aspect of launching a website.  Specifically we need people who could advise us on how to set up the site as well as someone who could offer some (very basic) design services.  If you or someone you know would be able to support our mission in this, please let us know!
• We would love to see the discussion forum grow into a helpful resource for people who need some more specific encouragement.  We also want to make sure that the forums aren't a place to come and bash other parenting philosophies; our purpose for the forums will be positive encouragement.  To that end, we will be looking for a handful of people who might volunteer a little time to help moderate the discussion forums.
• Finally, we would invite you to be thinking about how you might contribute your own thoughts, experiences, and wisdom to this project.  Something we were surprised, delighted, and encouraged by time and again is how each of you added such depth to the discussion in the comments on our As He Leads us series.  We so look forward to building a community of voices and stories that will be an encouragement to many.

So, that's where we are!  For those who have asked for updates, thank you so much.  God used your questions as powerful motivators to keep this project alive!  Your feedback means so much to us!

photo by Weird Beard

AHLU: Servanthood is the Heart of Our Message

As promised, I'm making time in the midst of an extremely hectic couple of weeks to revisit some ideas from the As He Leads Us project.  

Kyle and I teach Sunday School in the class for adults in their twenties and early-ish thirties at our church.  A few weeks back, the lesson drew from Mark 9:33-37 an focused on the servanthood aspect of a relationship with Christ.  There were a few paragraphs from the teacher's material that spoke so clearly and plainly to the philosophy of our book, that I couldn't help but to share them here.

The writer of the material (Matt Carter of Austin Stone Community Church) said:

Jesus continued His teaching and correcting of the apostles with an object lesson.  He took a child into His arms and called attention to the child.  The child, symbolically uncorrupted, helpless, and defenseless, represented what it was like to serve the least.  Perhaps it was surprising to see Jesus, the disciples' leader, holding a child in His arms . . . Jesus, the greatest of all, placed Himself on the same level as a little child.  He said that whoever welcomes a child in His name welcomes Christ.

Matt goes on to explore the idea of "welcoming a child in Christ's name," and that the intent of the Greek word here implies "to be concerned about, to care for, to show kindness to."  He continues:

Children who have no ability to care for themselves need someone to care for their needs.  They need a servant.  Sometimes they stretch the patience of the one serving them.  They can be unresponsive, unappreciative, or unable to help them in return.  However, serving them as Jesus would do (in His name), reminds us how Christ served us when we were lost in sin and without hope for salvation.

Glory!  YES!  I was thrilled to read Matt's insight on this passage and this teaching.  The sentiment he expresses here lines up so completely with what Laura and I are proposing in this book that the similarity is uncanny.

I'll share one final thought from Matt that has sunk into my mind and challenged me in so many ways since I read it:

Those who do not welcome children do not welcome Jesus . . .To deny service to a child is a rejection of the kind of spirit Christ requires to enter the kingdom.

Wow.  My girls have grown past the babe-at-the-breast, up-at-night, all-consuming, all-day-all-night complete dependence on mama stage, but little ones that they are, they still need my loving service.  How often am I resentful about all the bottom wiping and sippy cup fixing and crustless sandwich making that mark the days of this current season?

Something that God is bringing to mind for me again and again is how much of my day is spent serving the Kingdom of Megan rather than the Kingdom of God.  And sometimes serving in His Kingdom involves some story reading and some art project-ing and some slow walks on a cool day while I continue to mother and nurture and teach these little girls I am humbled to have been entrusted to raise.

I would love to hear your response to this!

As He Leads Us: Programming Note

Regular readers have no doubt noticed that Laura and I have taken a three month hiatus from our As He Leads Us series on parenting in the first year of baby's life.  

Now that summer has come to a close and both of our families are (somewhat) settling into a routine, we plan to continue with our As He Leads Us series very soon - possibly even next Monday!  If you are a new reader and are unfamiliar with our As He Leads Us: Parenting on the Path of Servanthood in Baby's First Year project, I would invite you to read our AHLU page for an introduction to our approach to parenting that is inspired by God's Word, empowered by Christ's strength, and led by the work of His Spirit within.

We look forward to engaging in more discussion and dialogue on this topic with you in the coming weeks!

(Comments closed.)

As He Leads Us: Six Month Update

It occurred to me that it has been about six months since we first shared with you about our plans for As He Leads Us.  Back in January, we posted some prayer requests.  Today, I wanted to briefly share with you some ways you can continue to partner with us in praying over this project:

1) We need wisdom and discernment as we move forward.  We'll have a decision to make in the next few weeks, and we want to make sure that first and foremost, we hear from the Lord on which path to take.

2) We still have quite a bit of content that needs to be written.  As you know, I have many writing commitments already, and Laura is actively involved in both community and ministry work in her hometown.  Plus, it's summer!  We could use some direction (and oftentimes motivation!) as to how and when to finish the content of the book.

3) We are so very, very encouraged by the positive feedback we've gotten on our message.  We know many of you have shared links to the As He Leads Us series with friends who were needing to hear about our experiences and the experiences of others in the realm of Christian parenting.  I don't think I can tell you enough how grateful we are for your support!

If you haven't already, you can join the As He Leads Us Facebook group which we hope to be able to use to keep you involved in more specific prayer requests, as well as asking for you to contribute to a section of the book that will feature the stories and experiences of other families who have chosen a servanthood approach to parenting.

A million thanks for coming alongside us in this endeavor.  Each of you have blessed us more than you know!

As He Leads Us: Working Through Early Breastfeeding Challenges

Such great discussion on last week's AHLU post on prayerfully considering feeding choices.  Today, Laura shares her experience with the difficulties she faced when she began her breastfeeding journey with her oldest child, Maya:

I never expected to be anything even remotely close to a breastfeeding enthusiast.  I planned to try it out, took the requisite classes, etc.   Along the way, I tucked away one piece of advice that had jumped out at me more than any other at the breastfeeding class.  Don't quit before six weeks.  It can be really hard to get started.  But just give it six weeks...  Of course, I had no idea at that point exactly how hard it could really be.  I would quickly find out that nursing a baby, although one of the most natural aspects of motherhood, can also be one of the most frustrating.

Reality hit almost immediately after my first child's birth, as I struggled through the first night of parenthood, unable to figure out why I couldn't seem to feed my baby.  Over and over I tried to help her find a good latch,  while she would pull away, crying.  I cried too.  In the morning, a lactation consultant sat with us for quite some time, watching Maya's mouth and trying out some new holds and strategies with us to combat the latch issue.  Finally, she suggested that I wear a contact nipple shield for a few days, until Maya was accustomed to the positioning necessary for nursing.  The plan was that I would wean her off of the shield within approximately one week.  That didn't happen.

Once at home, I still battled through feedings.  The shield made my letdown slower, which resulted in Maya becoming so upset as she tried to begin a meal that she would cry hysterically, making the process all the more difficult.  She often took forty-five minutes or more to finish a feeding, meaning that I would sometimes end one nursing session and begin another one an hour and a half later, attempting to squeeze a bit of sleep in between.  Please, Lord.  Help me make it through a few more weeks.  I tried to quit several times, while my husband sat beside me, patiently reminding me of my six-week goal.  "It's just a few more weeks.  Then we can see how you feel.  You can do this!"  As much as I wanted him, or someone, to just let me off the hook, it didn't happen that way.  Looking back, I'm tremendously thankful for that.

Something happened over those next few weeks.  We sort of hit a groove.  I remember the first night that I didn't feel it was necessary to wake Mark up to help me with a feeding. Maya no longer no longer cried during mealtimes.  And while she still ate quite often, her feedings grew somewhat shorter in length, giving me longer stretches of sleep.  I felt as though I were getting my feet back under me.  By the time the six-week mark rolled around, I was ready to take a deep breath and keep moving forward.

As time went on, breastfeeding became a familiar experience - something I would have never expected given those first weeks.  And a new day dawned when Maya turned six months old.  Starting on solid foods and reaching new developmental milestones helped her to naturally transition to less frequent nursing sessions and other ways of soothing herself.   And remember that contact nipple shield?  The one that we planned to ease Maya off of within a week?  Well finally, at six months old, she was able to do without it.  It was smooth sailing now, and there was no question in my mind that I'd nurse her through her whole first year.

So, what does breastfeeding have to do with a servanthood parenthood philosophy?  Well, in itself, not much.  I've become a huge advocate of breastfeeding.  But what I want to get across with my story isn't as much an endorsement of breastfeeding as it is another example of the value that comes from heeding the Lord's wisdom and your own God-given instincts over one-size-fits-all advice when it comes to parenting your child, no matter which feeding choice you are led to make along the way.  Personally, I was led to breastfeed.  And looking back, I can see that when I allowed myself to accept the individual needs that Maya came into this world with, to release my predisposed expectations of what my breastfeeding experience should be, and to respond to her cues and to the unique challenges we faced together, I was blessed with some of the clearest revelations I've received from God thus far about Himself and about parenthood.  But here's the thing...the important aspect of the story wasn't the way in which I chose to nourish my child.  It was the way He guided me to a greater understanding of dependence upon Him, of surrendering my desires and plans, and of what it means to simply trust.  For me, breastfeeding was the path this part of my spiritual journey took.

So what am I trying to say here?  Two things.  First, that I know and sympathize in a very real way with the struggles that can come with breastfeeding, and that my story is a testimony to the difference that help from professionals, support from loved ones, and perseverance (sometimes through tears and gritted teeth) can often make in overcoming those difficult times.  And secondly, an echo of the central theme that Megan and I want to hold above everything else as we write these posts and work on our book...Listen to your heart, your child's unique needs, and most importantly – to God's guidance as you make each decision, including this one. 

 

 

As He Leads Us: On Making Choices about Feeding

Again, Laura and I thank you so much for your patience as we have taken time to think about what direction to take the next series of posts in our As He Leads Us series.

Today we are beginning a series on feeding.  We are not totally sure at this point all the topics and directions this series will take, so we appreciate your prayers and feedback as we move forward.  I was just telling Laura that I went to bed last night still quite unsure of how and where to begin, but God spoke a fresh word to me this morning, and I am confident of His prompting in starting right here with the foundation for making one of the first major choices you are called on to make for your child.

Readers of SortaCrunchy know that I am a breastfeeding advocate.  The motivation for my advocacy stems from a desire for any woman who wants to pursue breastfeeding to have all of the resources, information, and support she needs to be able to do so.  Today's post, however, may take some of you by surprise with the direction I feel called to take.

The first major decision we will make for our babies is the choice between breastfeeding, bottle feeding, or a combination of the two.  There are many, many voices speaking to women today on this topic.  I was going to post some links for examples of the clashing opinions and the swirling debates, but my goodness.  Where would I start?

I think that somewhere in the cacophony of voices preaching, teaching, advocating, deliberating, analyzing, and proselytizing the breast versus bottle question, we as Christian women may neglect to listen hard after the one Voice who is able to speak absolute truth to our lives, our families, and our circumstances. 

A foundation of the Christian faith is the premise that at the moment of belief in Christ, we are given the gift of the Holy Spirit who dwells within us, speaking to us the voice and words of our Father God.  As believers, we know we can call upon and rely on the prompting of the Spirit within us in each decision we are called to make.  I don't know about you, but I find that I tend to compartmentalize the topics in which I feel God would be interested in providing direction:  Ministry opportunity?  Yes.  Marriage partner?  You bet.  A move to a new community or a new church?  Certainly.  Homeschool, private school, or public school my children?  Absolutely.

Breast feed or bottle feed my baby?  Well, see, my pediatrician says . . . but this parenting magazine says . . . and my best friend told me . . . and my grandmother's advice was . . . and the La Leche League leader said . . .

Sisters, this should not be!

Here's what God reminded me of this morning in studying His Word - we need to seek His truth for our family, for that child, before we listen and give heed to any other voice in this matter.

In John 16: 13, Jesus spoke, "But when he, the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all truth."  All truth.  The Truth that surpasses any wisdom of man - the Truth that speaks to every situation.  Later, the Apostle John would write to the new church, "As for you, the anointing (referring to the anointing of the Spirit) you received from him remains in you, and you do not need anyone to teach you.  But as his anointing teaches you about all things and as that anointing is real, not counterfeit - just as it has taught you, remain in Him"  (1 John 2:27, NIV, emphasis mine).

In context, of course, John was writing to the new believers to remind them that they need not make themselves susceptible to erroneous teachings because they thought themselves to be uneducated in God's truth.  John is reminding them that the Spirit dwelling within them was enough to educate and enlighten them of the truth of God and His Word.  But I don't think it's a stretch - do you? - to say that God's wisdom is enough to speak and teach us truth in any and every circumstance in our lives . . . including the decision of how we, as mothers, choose to feed the little ones He entrusts to us.

I feel strongly that the very first thing Laura and I need to speak about feeding is to make all aspects of this part of parenting a matter of prayer.

• As you partner with God in the miracle of growing new life, or as your family works through the laborious steps of adding to your family through adoption, don't neglect to desperately seek His truth for the direction He would have you take.  (And may I say that I think this holds true if the new baby is your first or your fifth?  What worked - or didn't work - with one child will most certainly not always be the same with the next.) 
• As that little one grows and the time comes to start thinking about starting solid foods, may we not forget to once again seek God's direction on what and when to introduce them to in the bounty of foods He created to nourish and sustain us. 
• As our children continue to grow, may we never minimize the importance of seeking His guidance in what we provide as nutrition for the little bodies growing up in our homes.

I know how very easy it is to allow the jumble of voices that speak to this topic to be given such volume that His still small voice is nearly silenced.  Let us never lose the wonder of being loved by a God who has a word of truth for every single aspect of our lives.  The God of the universe is intimately invested in the choices we make as parents, and He has a word for you.  May each of us be desperate for His truth in the day we need it, and may we have the courage to trust His leading and direction, knowing that no one on the planet loves that little one He has chosen you to care for more than He.